INFP? Ah, yes, definitely one of the most mysterious personality types in MBTI.
People describe them as reserved, gentle, and empathetic, yet sometimes, there’s an air of mystery and distance between them and the others, telling of their aloofness, isolation, and independence.
Only a few see their childlike side, but even with close friends, almost no one can access their true emotions and passions.
As an INFP, I admit I lived an extremely private life, consciously hiding my real thoughts, embarrassments, and almost everything about my personal life.
I’ve shed tears no one knew about. My pain, desires, and even happiness were mostly contained and masked with either a blank or innocent face.
I couldn’t take compliments for the fear that I might look arrogant. And I’m cautious that my weaknesses will be the butt of the joke of somebody, so I hid them, too. Seriously!
People thought I was blameless. But it’s because I built walls to purposely hide my dark side (and even the good deeds) from prying eyes.
No one gets a ticket to my inner world. But if one gets to accidentally peek, my blood instantly runs cold.
But just in the past months, who would’ve thought? I’m glad to announce that this anxiety about revealing myself has eased down. These days, if a friend asks me to share my deepest secrets, I can’t actually come up with one!
I even think, “so this is how my ENFJ best friend feels like, huh?” since I’ve drastically opened up to people.
I’m at the point where I overshare, forget whom I shared my stories with, and do not worry if I said too much.
I still live a private life, especially away from social media, but dang, I feel like the heavy shackles have finally been removed. It’s freeing, and I want to share how the journey unfolded and turned out this way.
If you’re an INFP struggling with an intense need for privacy, let’s dive into it. We’ll explore why INFPs crave privacy, when it becomes excessive, and if you want to be freed from the anxiety of opening up, we’ll tackle that, too!
But this whole change doesn’t happen overnight, okay? It’s not like you sleep for eight hours and bam, you magically became an extrovert! Rather, it’s a slow, consistent mindset shift — a desire to change your habits — that could highly depend on your environment, too.
So are you ready? Here we go!
Why Are INFPs Too Private? Our Values (Fi) Vs. Harmony (Fe)
First of all, why are INFPs too private?
If we look at INFP’s cognitive stack, INFP’s default is to uphold their moral standards and authenticity above all.
That’s our lens for which we see the world — through our personal morals. That’s Introverted Feeling (Fi).
However, this Fi has a direct opposing role — the Extraverted Feeling (Fe) function, explaining why INFPs also yearn for harmonious relationships.
“Should I take journalism or be a doctor as my mom wished?”
“Do I point out their mistake or keep quiet to save them from embarrassment?”
“Will I quit this job I don’t like, or stay a year more so I won’t disappoint the person who introduced me here?”
Just picture the constant emotional dilemma among INFPs. Ugh. It’s a constant “me or them?” “Them, or me?”
Yes, INFPs are stubborn to follow the whims and desires of their hearts, but if their actions cause trouble and burden for others, they can’t peacefully function either.
That said, the internal clash among INFPs begins.
Now, the worst case is, if an INFP’s stuck in a family or group where they’re furiously being shut down and forced to adhere to the group morals, it would definitely shake up and even shatter INFP’s confidence to freely express.
Authenticity? INFP happy. No authenticity? INFP not happy. *speaks in caveman voice*
So if life at home, at school, or in the workplace boils down to this, what should INFPs do then?
We gotta survive somehow, or else we’ll lose our light. I’ve seen and heard many INFPs go to depressive states due to being forced into a box.
So the defense is obvious.
Privacy.
INFPs go incognito. If people forbids them and binds them in overly strict rules, then this INFPs will find a way to follow their authenticity in secret. They will leave zero traces of their ideas and game plans. No one will know about hobbies and projects.
These Dreamers purposely and relentlessly hide their intentions. They enjoy being by themselves, and this private life becomes their sanctuary.
This way, INFPs protect their authenticity. At the same time, their actions won’t offend and spark arguments among their families and friends. People can’t get mad for something they don’t know, you know?
Problem solved… right?
Yeah, temporarily. But not until INFPs get fed up and cornered.
Want to know what happens when INFPs fight for their authenticity? I wrote a post about it.
You might like these:
4 Reasons Why INFP Don’t Fit In
That Time I Realized That I Don’t Have To Be Obsessed With Privacy Anymore
All this time, I just accepted that I’m a private person, and that’s who I am. However, a conversation with my INFP partner ended that perception.
My partner and I are in LDR. Everyday, we talk through a video call.
But here’s the situation. I live in a typical Asian household. You know the drill—Asian family sticks together under one roof until you’re married. Privacy? Practically a myth!
So I’ve explained to him countless times that I feel awkward talking when my sister or mom is nearby. Even I couldn’t explain how quick it drains my soul.
This went on for more than a year, until one day, he finally asked the question:
Him: Why? Why do you feel uncomfortable?
Me: Uhm, I don’t want them to hear our conversation.
Him: But we’re just talking about our day.
Me: I don’t want them to hear me saying sweet nothings.
Him: And why not? I still talk to you even with my family around. Are you embarrassed about me?
Me: No! It’s not that… (and then I launched a whole list of reasons why video calls when my family’s around were impossible.)
I’m quite annoyed that he kept asking me something that should be obvious. Can’t he just accept that I don’t want to talk when my family’s around???
But truth be told, it actually helped. His series of whys made me question the source of my fears. Then it hit me, and quickly went down the rabbit hole.
It turns out that such reactions are rooted in fear that if my family learns about my plans, they will meddle with me, and I’ll lose autonomy over my life again.
The constant fear, the need to tiptoe around someone else’s rules, and the suffocating weight of being disapproved still remain despite drawing clear boundaries.
My wounds have healed, but I still tremble and get drained out of habit. I believe the obsession with INFP’s privacy is linked to having their life ruled over tightly by someone else.
But my point is, if we’re self-sufficient adults, we don’t need to hide anymore, right?
There’s no more Fi versus Fe happening once you’ve asserted your authenticity and the people around you have understood your position.
Then why are we still scared to voice out our opinions? Why do we whisper our words instead of expressing them loud and clear? Why do we pause whatever we’re doing when someone looks at our work?
At this time, I realized that I no longer need to be obsessed with privacy. I’m no longer hiding from anyone. I have full freedom to express my authenticity.
With that said, I went on a journey to healing the anxiety of revealing myself. Instead of hiding, I now purposely go out in the open.
4 Practices that Can Help INFPs Overcome The Anxiety of Revealing Themselves
1. Healing the Trauma
First, identify which circumstances caused you to hide away from people. Was it your strict parents? The teacher who humiliated you? A friend that backstabbed you?
Know that those experiences don’t have to define your present. You’re not that vulnerable kid anymore. You’re capable now, and you’ve grown.
Don’t react to people as if they still got ahold of your decision.
At this time and age, remind yourself that you are in the driver’s seat of your life. You choose the destination, the route, and the speed.
Others might offer directions, but the wheel is yours to steer.
2. Hiding Your Weaknesses No More
You’ve probably heard the phrase, “Fake it till you make it.” For the longest time, this was my unspoken mantra. But wow, was it exhausting. Pretending I knew everything or hiding my inexperience only made me anxious.
But you know what, honesty felt so much lighter.
So here’s what we can do:
First, begin by understanding yourself— your likes, dislikes, strengths, and weaknesses. When someone asks for your skills, stop pretending. Instead, admit that you’re a beginner (if you’re a beginner), but you’re willing to learn.
Like that one time the assistant principal expected me to overhaul an engine—I straight-up admitted I couldn’t do it. And guess what? They respected that and found other ways to solve the issue.
Sure, I worried they might be disappointed, but guess what? They’re still looking forward to working with me next semester.
Honesty hasn’t closed doors for me; it’s opened the right ones.
When you’re honest about your abilities, a huge weight lifts off your shoulders. You’re no longer carrying the pressure to pretend or live up to impossible standards.
Even better, being authentic attracts the right people—those who appreciate your true strengths and are willing to grow alongside you.
3. Sharing Your Story As a Work in Progress
You don’t need to pour your heart out to just anyone. Rather, choose the people who genuinely vibe with you, those who make you feel safe and understood.
And when you do share? Try not to sugarcoat your story or make it look picture-perfect.
You’re always a work in progress — that’s the mindset. That’s being human. Remember, there’s no shame in having weaknesses and not knowing it all.
Here are some practices to effectively voice out your opinions:
4. Seek Wisdom From Others and Offer It in Return
I used to fear asking for advice, worried people would think I was incapable. So, I only look for answers within my tiny bubble.
But now, I’m starting to love having a nice little counsel from time to time. I got a counsel at home, at work, at church, and even with my circle of friends.
Love the perspectives from a 3rd person view! But of course, I’m still kinda selective with who I talk to.
I mostly ask the caring, extroverted ones, the nurturing ones, or the deep, quiet ones – they’re the people INFPs can vibe with. I love their fresh ideas.
What’s more, when I share my story with them, they share theirs. It strengthens relationships and cultivate deep connections.
As long as you know you are the driver of your life and have autonomy over your decisions, it becomes easier to share your life with others, without the fear of them interfering with your final decision.
Their advice is just that—advice. The final choice always remains yours.
5. The Power to Say No
For a long time, I thought being private was the only way to protect myself. I avoided requests, ignored messages, and built walls so high that even I felt trapped.
Unfortunately, that intense independence and privacy led to constant anxiety.
A simple notification in my inbox could send my heart racing, with thoughts like, “What do they want from me now?” I even started blocking people without a second thought, assuming they were out to use me. It was exhausting.
So, how can INFPs overcome this fear and reclaim their peace of mind?
First, if you have a heart willing to help, then help! Second, when you can’t help, just say no. And once you’ve said no, let go of any guilt.
Practice saying no with confidence without over-explaining yourself and you’ll find more peace in your choices. You don’t have to hide. You just need to learn how to politely decline.
That’s it! I hope this gave you insights about INFP privacy and how we can overcome the fear of revealing ourselves. 🙂
You may also like:
- Why INFPs Should Pursue Authenticity Despite Being Misunderstood
- INFP Privacy: 6 Reasons Why INFPs Keep Things Hidden
- 7 Things INFPs Need To Be Happy (And Ultimately Fulfilled)
Check out “Not Lazy, Just INFP” E-book! 🙂
