As a kid, I struggled to ask for help. At fifteen years old, I stopped offering it, too—and that’s when everything started to fall apart.
For many years, I held onto a bitter high school memory.
I used to be a leader. I was the go-to girl for leading class projects, organizing club events, and completing teachers’ extra tasks—all of these outside the regular homework.
My obedience and diligence were top-tier.
However, beneath the surface, no one knew I was drowning.
Still, I couldn’t ask for help. I was a lone worker.
If I can get it done myself, why would I burden anyone?
Until one night, I reached my limits. I was crying, eyes swollen, brain’s fried. I was an overworked 15-year-old.
I’ve run in circles with bitter thoughts:
“Why does it always have to be me?”
“Others have it easier.”
“We’ll all graduate the same.”
“Why do I have to take all the burden?”
That night ended with a brutal realization: “People were only taking advantage of me.”
It echoed in my head, followed by the words, “I didn’t have to.”
Yes, I didn’t have to do any of this.
Something definitely clicked.
The next day, I changed. Just like that.
I remember saying my first “no” under the afternoon heat. From there on, I declined everyone who asked for my help.
This mindset stuck to me until I reached my mid-20s.
I built walls around myself.
I didn’t willingly participate in any events anymore. I dropped the leader role, while also refusing to be a follower.
I loathed people who forced me to work — those who took away my time. No one can boss me around.
This perspective felt empowering, but the truth is, it began my gradual downfall.
I didn’t know it then. All I knew was I needed to protect myself.
But as I experienced life more, I realized how unwise my perspectives were.
While it may have protected me at first, it also isolated me, which led to a life of helplessness and loneliness.
My refusal to ask for help wasn’t strength.
It was fear disguised as independence.
My Journey: How I Learned to Lean on Others
Fast forward to my mid-20s.
My fear of stagnation was realized after 4 years of working from home. I shut everyone out.
No colleagues to chat with, no new friends beyond my high school circle, no sense of growth. The days were looping over and over again.
I watched the world move forward. My friends were getting married, landing new jobs, traveling, and such. Meanwhile, I was drifting in isolation.
By the fourth year of isolation, the monotony became unbearable. It broke me.
From being a leader to pushing everyone away, I was clearly not living up to my purpose.
I cried out to God, apologizing. I was ashamed of wasting what I had — the skills, time, and talents He gave me.
Filled with regret and a promise, I cried, “I’m ready, Lord. Please use me.”
True enough, He restored me and changed my life.
The moment I stepped out of my comfort zone, he led me to a church. He positioned me to lead the youth.
He secured me a teaching job I hadn’t applied for. I became a Senior High School teacher, and another former colleague asked me to return to teach at the university.
This is probably the most extroverted era of my life.
Once I understood how much I need people, I couldn’t help but cherish and appreciate them more.
I’ve become grateful.
From there, I learned the power of making conversations, asking for help, and why it benefits not only me, but others, too.
What Happened When I Started Asking for Help
1. I stopped thinking I’m a burden.
Asking for help feels like burdening others. But the truth is, this judgment isn’t mine to make. I don’t get to decide how others feel about supporting me.
Maybe someone will be too busy to help — or they don’t really want to — but other times, they see it as an opportunity to be there for me the same I would be there for them.
I realized that asking for help feels like bothering others only because I once saw them as a bother, too.
Now that my perspectives have changed, I see it more as building relationships.
2. I realized not everyone’s out to get me.
I used to think people only help me because they have ulterior motives. Or maybe because I looked pitiful and weak. My self-consciousness tells me I looked like a fool.
So prideful. I couldn’t accept my weaknesses.
On my own, it took me years to overcome my perfectionism and obsession with reputation.
But as soon as I willingly accepted help from others, I quickly broke free from that narrow mindset.
I’ve entered a whole new dimension.
The more I accept, the more I wanted to give back.
Some people have bad intentions, yes, but it’s wrong to pit everyone in that category.
People share their food with me, not because I look starved. They didn’t offer me jobs because I looked poor.
And if they think I’m pitiful, I no longer care. I’m letting go of my pride and willingly accept help.
I’ve also learned to properly frame my words so I decline respectfully. I’m no longer the yes-girl I used to be in high school.
And definitely not the prideful, independent adult who hates cooperating with people.
Life became much easier as I drifted away from my high-rise pedestal and stopped seeing people as bad and critical.
3. It drew people closer to me.
“Friendships are not forced.” This was my mantra.
My strongest friendships developed this way. We just clicked and stuck with each other for years.
However, now, I see another side of building friendships. That’s when you build a community.
Some simply aren’t the “I crave deep connections” type of people.
They don’t seek “close friendships.” Rather, they want a “community” where you both involve yourselves for each other’s well-being. We face and solve trials together.
When you start sharing your time, effort, and resources with people, and they reciprocate in kind, you begin to build close relationships, too.
I do that by stepping out of my independent bubble. I trust them, and they trust me, too.
4. With a community, we will go far.
For four years, I worked from home. It’s an introvert’s dream.
But over time, being alone stopped serving me.
My personal and professional growth plateaud. I had no one to learn from, no one to challenge me, and no one to encourage me when I began to doubt myself.
But the moment I decided to step outside that shell, opportunities came from the most unexpected places.
I gained friends from different walks of life — the young and old, as well as peers my age.
I’ve learned much more from the past year than in the last 5 years.
I involved myself with the elders, and you bet I’ve become more motherly and nurturing.
My age group was preparing for marriage, licensures, and jobs. We brace ourselves for what is coming.
The young… reminds me how go-getter I was when I was their age. Always inspired and motivated. Plus, they’re very savvy!
I’m grateful for knowing them. It all started with asking each other questions or help as we move towards similar goals.
Don’t let the economy of kindness stop with us.
During the Pandemic, what saved my country’s economy wasn’t hoarding things and saving our money in the banks.
Instead, during that difficult time, people didn’t hide — they set up their businesses online, found online jobs, and catered to the new needs of people.
Buying and selling online allowed money and goods to circulate throughout the nation, and everyone had a share of what they needed.
Honestly, the Covid time felt like a pause to the usual backbreaking days in the Philippines. (Not with the medical institutions, though.)
Life’s still hard, but food and support from the neighbors were flooding in.
When my relatives heard my family was quarantined, our relatives sent us aids—cash, disinfecting equipment, and food.
People are buying goods from their friends as a form of support.
Financially, that movement sustained families. It kept people alive.
Kindness works the same way. We do not keep it to ourselves, we keep it in circulation.
We help sustain others, and they help sustain us, too.
I know we can manage by ourselves, but the conclusion in my long experience of isolation showed me how miserable it is to be alone in the long run.
Before, I rejected people’s kindness so they won’t get a foothold in asking anything in return. It didn’t stop there. Of course, I stopped pouring into others, too.
I became stingy with what I could give.
But the moment I opened myself up and asked for help, I was overwhelmed by the generosity I received.
Ask and you shall receive, right?
Finally, I’m convinced not all people are bad. There are others who genuinely care. With that said, I felt a renewed desire to give—not out of guilt, but gratitude.
That’s the kind of world worth living in.
Wrap Up
I’ve always been living in a place that values community. Only that, I took it for granted.
Yet, Jesus said it right. Love God, and love your neighbors as you love yourself.
This is the wisest command I’ve pondered on recently. There’s a lot to unpack, but I can’t deny how it’s the most ideal path humanity should take for harmony.
It helps us get through whatever hardship that comes our way. Not with ourselves alone. But with God, and other people.
Thanks for reading! 🙂
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