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Do INFPs Cheat? The Dark Side of INFP Idealism

If by any chance you’re dating an INFP, then you’re probably curious if INFPs do cheat or have any tendencies. Do INFPs cheat? Here’s a short answer:

INFPs are extremely loyal in a relationship. But once their partner continuously betrays, undervalues them, and pushes them into a rut, INFPs accumulate grudges that would result in a betrayal.

Now before INFPs turn into this awful betraying character, let’s see what’s in the mind of an INFP when it comes to love and relationships.

Breaking Through the INFP Fortress

It’s hard to break through the INFP fortress. As picky as they are, they evaluate every person’s character that enters their circle. Whether you want to be friends or in a relationship, there’s no guarantee that you can easily pass through the INFP wall. It’s always like, “you don’t choose an INFP, the INFP chooses you” kind of way.

But if you had the chance to date an INFP, then there’s possibly an alignment between you and the INFP’s belief system. You hit a few marks on the checklist.

Furthermore, instead of looking directly at a person, we, INFPs, look at the unseen aspects. I admit, we silently judge people. It’s our pastime. We’re hardwired to view people in the shadows based on our own moral standards.

Wanna enter my sphere? Wait a sec, lemme watch you for like, a month or so. If I like you, you’ll know. If not, you’ve been ghosted. Typical INFP.

See. This is why INFPs are really hard nuts to crack. They either join or ghost you. If you try hard enough, becoming acquaintances might be the closest you can get.

Moreover, while many people choose their partners based on how well they are treated, INFPs look at aspects that aren’t usually seen. Aspects like:

  • How does he treat his family?
  • What do his friends say about him?
  • What does he do when he’s not around me? 
  • Is he friendly with pets?

INFPs look beneath the person’s mask.

Because of this, expensive gifts, extreme efforts, and grandiose surprises don’t blind INFPs. Instead, we seek character, talent, intelligence, and skill.  These are what most INFPs fall in love with.

Do INFPs fall in love easily?

INFPs easily fall in love with fantasies, ideals, and visions, but for a person, it may take months or even years because INFPs take their time to evaluate character and compatibility. If the person doesn’t align with an INFP’s values, then they’re off the list.

It’s even hard to tell if an INFP likes you or not. They aren’t showy. Furthermore, INFPs desire genuine relationship development rather than ones that are forced or set up.

INFP and Loyalty

It’s unlikely to have an INFP cheating on you. INFPs are loyal to the person they love. They are the least personality type that will cheat on you. Even when the Earth crumbles, they will still be loyal to you.

Cheating would be the least to worry about because, in a relationship, you will discover how INFPs uphold their morality, genuineness, and laser-like focus on their partners.

Without you knowing, an INFP can brag about how great you are as a partner. You won’t fathom how much they praise you in a group setting. You’re a character in their fiction story. They write about you in forums. (lol, so me.)

They can deflect any flirtations from other people when they commit to you.

Let me share with you my loyalty in vain during my younger years. I was loyal to my crush for 4 years. Yet he didn’t even know my name and rarely saw me. But with the depth of my attraction, it feels like I’m cheating whenever I get attracted to somebody else (had a few semi-crushes).

It was funny because I felt bad about it, yet the other party doesn’t even know I exist. That’s INFP loyalty for you. Lol. Eventually, I’d return to my lane and drop my semi-crushes. Loyalty re-aligned. 

However, there’s a dark aspect to this virtuous scenario. And it’s a bit twisted, I say. There’s more to this story which I will share in the next section.

INFP and Idealism in Relationships

INFPs are loyal, extremely. But among all the personality types, INFPs are one of the most sensitive types that can turn loyalty to betrayal into a fast 180-degree turn.

The dark side of an INFP is falling in love –madly in love – not with the person, but with the idea of the person

An INFP falls in love with you, not because of your face, body structure, or your smell – they care for that the least.

What they truly fall in love with is the idea of you – that you are a caring, dignified, talented, skillful, sweet, etc. person. The scary part is, once you slide off from this perception, an INFP may just start to fall out of love.

“You’re not the same person I fell in love with.”

“We’re too different from each other.”

“I don’t deserve this.”

These are common lines that INFPs spew when a relationship didn’t come out as what they have imagined. They have this perception and you must at least be at par or do greater than their ideals. If that perception crumbles down, it may be the same with your relationship.

Going back to the high school crush I committed to for 4 years. It was seriously disenchanting after I saw him flirting from one girl to another. It took me 4 years to see it. But when I did, it was like my attraction was a bulb that was switched off. Just like that – the perfect image was stained.

INFPs create an idealistic image of a person, and when that person proves wrong, it becomes an immediate warning sign saying, “NOPE.” Then, we drop it.

I also have an INFP friend who’s committed to the idea that her first lover shall be her last. As of today, she’s still clinging to it and hasn’t met the ideal man with whom she will stay forever. She is loyal to the idea and it requires a strong wholesome person to break through her shielded sphere.

What makes an INFP cheat?

INFPs may have tendencies to cheat when their partners are consistently dishonest when they feel unimportant, and they are pushed into a rut. If their partner fails to keep an INFP’s ideals in a relationship, there are tendencies that INFPs will find these in another person.

So, do INFPs require a perfect relationship to not cheat?

Of course, not.

First of all, an INFP’s idea for the perfect partner is simple. They want a partner who cares for them and who’s there in difficult times. INFPs seek a go-to person to share all their secrets, a person who’s patient enough to listen, and someone who won’t mindlessly attack their beliefs.

I’d say, INFPs are not high maintenance partners. It won’t cost you a dime, but it must cost many abstract factors like patience, time, effort, and a lot of respect.

Furthermore, INFPs, especially the mature ones, can weigh the severity of an argument. If the relationship has already built a strong foundation of trust and respect, mistakes are easily forgotten and forgiven.

I’m currently in an INFP-ISFJ relationship. It was a struggle at first due to the clashing Sensing and iNtuitive personalities. While I was imaginative and idealistic, he was more focused on real-world events. 

But over time, we both realized our train of thought. Since our relationship was built on trust and respect, some mistakes and a few “slide-off” moments from my ideals are tolerable. After all, INFPs just need a justified and comprehensible view of why their partners do things.

Me and my ISFJ

Mature INFPs learn to compromise to keep their partners on a good track. And they once again fall in love with the idea that their partners are reaching success. It becomes more precious because they have watched their loved ones grow. INFPs are always the best and genuine supporters.

Their partner’s win is also their win.

INFP and Cheating

Do INFPs really cheat?

The possibilities of cheating INFPs are extremely rare, although possible. But there are higher tendencies that INFPs will break away from the relationship before they commit a full-blown betrayal.

Cheating in a relationship, for INFPs, strongly negates their own beliefs and morals. It feels like going to a routine job they hate or getting forced to lie. It’s a hard pill to swallow. But while it’s difficult for INFPs to cheat, it’s easier for them to walk away from a relationship if it truly fell short of their ideals and standards.

How to keep an INFP’s loyalty

INFP’s overflowing amount of loyalty needs to be kept and maintained. Here are some ways to keep an INFP in love and loyal to you:

1. Respect in all forms

INFPs will lift you up as much as they can. In return, they just want to receive respect in every aspect – respect for their time, freedom, personal space, decisions, and emotions. INFPs dislike being restricted and contained. They are free spirits and respecting their hobbies and ideals is what they desire from their partners.

While they demand these from you, you will also receive it – the freedom and space to do what you want as an individual. This is why INFP relationships are less toxic than others.

For INFPs, the golden rule, “Do unto others what you want others do unto you,” strongly implies. Respect begets respect, loyalty begets loyalty.

2. Give them Praises

INFPs love getting praises and appreciation. Not in a flaunting or exaggerated way, but a genuine “Congratulations” or “I’m proud of you” will do. They dislike being ignored especially when they should have the credit.

Do you know what’s the best compliment for an INFP? It’s when they discover that you are praising them even without their presence.

3. Always check their emotions

INFPs try to hide their emotions, but at the same time give hints that they need to be cared for. Yep, you have to deal with these mind games, too.

If you’re insensitive about this, you will be caught off-guard in one big emotional outburst and you can’t do anything about it. Soon, she’ll give you a cold shoulder. A-huh. So next time, keep their emotions in check because any kind of stimulation often sway an INFP’s sensitivity. Just check.

4. Feed their imaginations

INFPs are idealistic people. Their ideas might be overwhelming especially for Sensing Types, but for this relationship to go smoothly, you must supply or at least agree with their ideas. Never shove them off when they’re trying to share their plans and ideas with you, or else they will find someone who does care.

In my case, my ISFJ partner nonchalantly agrees and supports whatever plan I tell him. I sometimes think he was just a bot programmed to agree with – but, well, at least he responds. I can’t blame him because I know where his true interests lie.

But sometimes INFPs just burst from their own imagination bubble and need better responses. So this is where iNtuitive friends come in.

If you’re a Sensing Type that can’t ride the pace of an INFP’s idealism, you’re lucky if they have other iNtuitive friends that can support the ideals. In my case, I was lucky to have ENFJ, INFJ, and INFP friends to talk to.

5. Lesser conflicts and arguments

INFPs dislike conflicts. Whenever arguments occur, INFPs are easy to forgive and forget – especially if it’s a petty one.

But once a relationship becomes too toxic, an INFP’s instinct tends to break away from it. They value themselves highly and can’t stand shallow and toxic relationships. They are easy to break off from situations that make them uncomfortable.


My Final Message

The INFP loyalty is extreme, yet conditional. Their loyalty depends on how much you have been loyal to them, too. Loyalty begets loyalty. They won’t stay in a relationship if it doesn’t serve respect and other similar traits.

INFPs have an Introverted Feeling (Fi) as their Primary function so they are more engrossed in their own moral values and belief system more than they seek approval from other people. High levels of morality make them unlikely to commit cheating.

Furthermore, INFPs don’t easily betray without a reason. Before they turn their backs, there’s often a series of negative scenarios that has accumulated which would push them to cheat or betray you.

Lastly, INFPs are compassionate and are empaths, so in a relationship, I can attest that their caring, respectful, and peaceful personality radiates more than the possibilities of betrayal.

Hope this sheds light on getting into a relationship with an INFP.

INFPs aren’t cheaters by nature. Hi-ya! Thanks for reading!

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