INFP Friendship: 3 Reasons Why INFPs Are Hard to Get to Know

If you’re looking for a compassionate friend to support you all throughout, an INFP may just be your best bet.

INFP as a friend is loyal, appreciative, genuine, and supportive. They will celebrate your successes, encourage you, and string along with you through your darkest times. INFP values friendships for a lifetime.

However, they are exclusive of who enters their circle. While they are compassionate and extremely loyal to their friends, people may find it difficult to reach such INFP ground. 

INFP Friendships

INFPs are empathetic friends. They care for your well-being, keep your secrets to the grave, and protect you even when you’re not around.

When conflicts occur with their friends, they tend to reach out and easily apologize for their mistakes. They swallow their pride just to make peace with you. INFP friendships take a long time to establish but it lasts a lifetime with little to no misunderstandings.

If you have INFP friends, have you noticed how they’re sweet but aren’t showy at the same time? Often, they put on a brave face and gawk at your clumsiness. They may tease you and make fun of you, but deep inside, you know they care and are watchful with their words.

Despite my timid appearance, I wanted to look cool, brave, and be respectable. But if you’ll ask my closest friends what they remember about me, they might mention how I cried over simple things. Lol.

After high school, my ENFJ best friend and I entered different universities and got separated. Obviously, she was having fun with her newfound friends – posting Instagrammable photos and all. Meanwhile, I was on the edge because I’m afraid she’s forgetting about our friendship. When we met again, I got emotional about it.

Unfortunately, she vividly carried my drama over the years. Up to this day, she’s so flattered about it. Ugh.

It was embarrassing, really. But that’s just how INFPs are as friends. Because we value friendship so much, it pains us when people don’t treasure it as we do.

However, when you start off as stranger, it’s quite hard to make friends with INFP.

INFPs are hard to get to know. They are very private people. Furthermore, it’s hard to read INFP personality. They appear shy and gullible at first sight, but their minds are constantly evaluating their surroundings and making sense of people’s actions.

Since they open up to few people, it’s rare to see their talkative, emotional, and whimsical personalities. They’re whacky people, too. However, only a few people get to experience it.

Now, the question is, why? Why are INFPs hard to read? Here are few more reasons why it’s hard to make friends with INFPs.

Why Are INFPs Hard to Get to Know?

INFPs don’t open up to people easily. They are hard to get to know because of these various reasons. Let’s get to it one by one:

1. INFPs rarely start a conversation.

Usually, INFPs don’t initiate friendly conversations with strangers. To clear the misconceptions, many INFPs aren’t shy. However, we won’t talk to you unless you start it. No, we’re not afraid of social interactions, but we’re reluctant to pretend we’re interested.

It’s difficult to entertain people we know little about. Like, how do I transition from asking how they’re doing to asking how their employers treat them?

Aside from being private, INFPs are cautious people, too. Instead of opening up more, they tend to subconsciously evaluate people’s behavior. They listen to the coherence of your stories and watch your body language. Then, they decide whether they like you or not. If not, then you’ve become an acquaintance rather than a friend.

Moreover, belonging in groups doesn’t appeal to INFPs. At parties, they are not interested in making friends. As an INFP, it’s a horror to get caught up in a group I don’t resonate with. We prefer to be alone rather than be stuck in the wrong group.

2. INFPs pick friends with like personalities.

When I started to work in companies, I found it hard to make friends. Well, some people try to reach out, but after weeks, they eventually stop approaching me.

Because of this, I started to question what’s wrong. Am I boring? Am I offending them? Why do people stay away from me?  I know I’ve been kind to them, so why can’t I make good friends? It was both frustrating and saddening.

Then one day, I tried to track down what’s wrong with me. I was getting to the bottom of it all. Fortunately, it boiled down to an aha moment.

I realized that… there’s nothing wrong, really. The thought that people didn’t like me was inaccurate. Instead, it was the other way around.

It’s not that people didn’t like me. Rather, I was sending vibes that I’m unwilling to take our friendship any further. They attempted to enter my space, yet I started to build walls. I was the picky one.

In addition to my intensive self-reflecting analysis, my school days were livelier compared here at my current work. I found out that the people surrounding me play a huge part.

When I asked my high school and college friends to take personality tests, I found out they were INFJs, ENFJs, INFPs, and ISFPs. They were Feelers – empathetic, sensitive, and compassionate – like me. Contrary to my co-workers, many were aggressive, insensitive, and toxic. No wonder I’m socially detached from them.

In conclusion, it’s hard to get to know INFPs because they stick to people who share the same values and moral standards. INFPs are picky with their friends.

3. They value authenticity above all.

The word “friends” bears weight to INFPs.

Although they are naturally compassionate to people, it doesn’t mean they will endure storms for you. It’s possible to be in the same circle with an INFP, laugh with them, yet you know that the chemistry’s vague.

From my experience, when I’m alone with someone I’m not close to, that person gets racked with my silence. As I grow older, I realized I don’t have to force conversations and entertain people if it takes a toll on me.

INFPs value authenticity in friendships and relationships, too. The best friendships for them are those built naturally. INFP only trusts people whom they observed over a period of time and share the same values.

INFP As a Friend

Once an INFP allows you to enter their exclusive circle, they become the most talkative, caring, and spontaneous friend you will ever have.

They talk about whatever – from the in-depth, controversial opinions to the weird poster they see across the road. They will share with you the plot of their favorite novels and quote lines from the latest Youtube video they watched. Aside from mentioning random things, you will see how quirky and witty they are. They open up their feelings, tease you a lot, and joke around a lot.

They will never talk crap behind your back. Moreover, they will praise you without your knowledge. Becoming friends with an INFP means you run with the same frequency as them. They are so fond of you to the point that they trust, respect, and look up to you.

It could also mean that aside from having a friend, you just won a fan who appreciates everything you do.

There are times where I would flex my friends, like a proud mother who gave birth to an awesome kid. That’s how I would describe my feelings whenever they’re doing great in life. Lol.

I know for many, it’s hard to read INFPs. We usually look aloof and timid. However, what people think about us shouldn’t matter as long as the right ones understand and stay with us.

My Last Say

How to be friends with an INFP? It’s a bit of a steep road. But the bottom line here is, you don’t choose INFPs. Rather, they choose you.

This sounds so self-centered, but it’s true. You can’t force friendships with an INFP. It takes them time and consistent proof of trust to lower down their guards. In the same manner, this is why INFPs have a hard time gaining friends, too.

To be honest, I consider this as INFP’s natural instincts to whether stay or steer clear from a person. 

Fortunately, once they open up to you, they can get out of their way to help you. They treasure the memories and the trust. They will be your life-long friend.


Was this helpful? If you’d like to support my work, you can buy me a coffee at Ko-fi! Thank you! 🙂


You may also like:

Leave a Comment

Copy link
Powered by Social Snap