In a world filled with upbeat extroverts, introverts would gladly turn down party invitations in exchange for a snuggle in bed, 3rd cup of coffee, and a marathon of Tim Burton’s Wednesday for the 2nd time.
As the name suggests, introverts process energy inward. Any effort spent socializing outwardly tires them out.
With such exhaustion toward the outside world, how does an introvert navigate the depths of a relationship? How would it turn out if you end up with another introvert who is the same social hermit as you?
Having experienced introvert-introvert relationships, I know there are a lot of amazing pros, and I’ve written them in this post. But now, let’s talk about the challenges.
Do introvert and introvert relationships work like a charm? Or can this be a headache, too?
Let’s get into it.
4 Introvert-Introvert Relationship Problems
1. Introverts may not always express themselves.
No matter how comfortable two introverts in a relationship are, there will be times when you’re both unwilling to express your emotions. I just get too tired to talk, and it’s exhausting to be in a loop.
So what happens? Some introverts opt to set it aside. However, when an introvert overthinks and take grudges, their inability to express their side grows into resentment over time.
Negative feelings, when left unchartered, are dangerous territories that can eat us up inside.
It’s dangerous because while you’re reticent with your emotions, these may lead to an emotional gap where your partner is left guessing, and you build bitterness through time.
You may also like: 7 Ways To Be Emotionally Mature In A Relationship
2. Less going out, fewer new adventures.
Oh, how introverts love planning. But while they enjoy the mental and emotional experience of imagining themselves in travels, the truth is, introverts rarely want to actually go out there.
I’m guilty of how overplanning tires me out, so when the time where the actual vacation comes, I’d wish it gets canceled. (Oops.)
Such exhaustion can be a root of misunderstanding in introverts.
When both introverts in the relationship don’t end with the same goals in mind, and repeatedly agree and disagree, they just both resign and say, “ugh, never mind.”
And a supposed great adventure again goes down the drain.
In the end, they settle with home dates and plans that are less of a hassle. It’s great when both of you agree to it, but from a wider perspective, this habit of giving up your plans and settling for what’s comfortable minimizes your opportunities for discovering new places and learning about other people.
Simply put, it can isolate and hinder an introverted couple’s relationship growth.
3. You both isolated from your friends.
“I don’t need anyone else, but you.” Aww, that’s so sweet.
… but not until you realize your partner has cut connections with friends, and both of you have isolated.
The thing about introvert-introvert couples is they just love being with each other and keeping others out.
While extroverts love involving themselves with friends, introvert couples would rather close their doors and be gone for months to years.
Obviously, this isn’t the best way to maintain your friendships.
I’ve seen many introvert couples get lost in their worlds, completely forgetting to bond with the people outside their relationship. Instead of socializing, you pull each other back into the introverted rabbit hole.
This leaves your friends feeling abandoned, ignored, and forgotten.
Unfortunately, by the time you need help, you’ll get a bad rap from your friends. They’ll consider how you only talk to them when convenient.
Introvert-introvert relationships have lots of pros. However, dwelling too much in an introverted lifestyle where no one tries to pull each other out to socialize is dangerous.
4. It’s troublesome when energies are not on the same page.
Introverts have periods for alone time, and have time to be more sociable. But what if two introverts collide and their energies are not on the same page?
Say, your partner is socially exhausted and can’t engage in any conversation, including with you. But on the contrary, you’re pumped up and want to spend time with your partner.
Now here comes the clash. Because you outcasted your friends, you have no other choice but to either wait for your partner to recharge or be immature and get their attention.
Can you imagine how this goes?
From experience, it results in an ultimate outburst where one would just snap and lash out. Remember, when social energies are compromised, it turns into an ugly argument rather quickly.
4 Tips for Two Introverts Dating
1. Find patterns that work for both of you.
Work together to develop a good action plan, even if that means sitting down and having a whiteboard discussion. Flowchart it out.
For example, use a key phrase like, “I need my alone time,” which directly means, “I want to be alone playing my video games or reading my novels.”
You may catch yourselves failing to follow the plans, and it is yet again the start of another argument.
However, pinpointing the issue and constantly sticking to it builds a habit where you will eventually learn how to respond based on each other’s preferences.
2. Maintain your social circle.
Find ways to stay connected to the outside world – including your family, friends, and workmates.
Once in a while, meet with an old friend over coffee, and you’ll both be surprised at how many stories you can share. This can also be good prompts for an amazing conversation with your introverted partner when you get home.
3. You must have a social life outside of each other.
Be each other’s security blanket, but also a social cheerleader.
Let each other mingle with whoever they want to mingle with, but the moment you lock eyes across a crowded room, you wink at each other and instantly feel safe.
This amount of reassurance is a gem.
4. Be present (even in silence).
Lastly, make sure to find a balance between we-time and me-time.
Being there for each other emotionally is key to a happy relationship, and it’s always great to have someone to sit beside you in comfortable silence when the world gets a little too overwhelming.
Here are more tips for dealing with your introverted partner.
Dealing with an introverted partner can be a comforting ride. It’s not every day that you find another weird and wonderful introvert who’s down to navigate the silence beneath the extroverted world with you.
So if you’re lucky enough to find that special someone, hold on tight and don’t let being introverted get in the way of an amazing and meaningful relationship. Embrace each other’s quirks and enjoy the ride!
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- 10 Reasons Why Introvert-Introvert Relationships Work