“INFPs are the most selfish of all xxFx types.” I read this in a forum.
Oof. I have mixed feelings about this.
See, it kinda hurt to hear this when I’m simply staying true to myself, holding on to my values, and choosing authenticity.
However, being close with another INFP—my partner—I can definitely see where this sentiment is coming from. Lol.
It’s all fun and games until you’re face-to-face with another stubborn INFP who’s just as unmovable as you are.
But to clear this up, why do people see INFPs as selfish? And are they really?
In this post, let’s get into this!
Ready? Here we go!
When People See INFPs as Selfish, They See This…
1. INFPs are nonconformist (Nobody gets to control them!)
INFPs may look gentle, soft-hearted, and gullible at first sight. But it won’t take long before they realize INFPs are lone wolves after all. They are independent and nonconformists.
Nonconformity has its perks, but it’s one thing that displeases many, especially to those who yearn for superiority.
Unfortunately, some people see INFP’s nonconformity as selfishness and stubbornness.
INFPs may go against the majority, push forth their ideals, and lean on unpopular opinions. They value authenticity to their identity and deviate from being a team player.
Because INFPs are hardcore on authenticity, one can’t force them to do plans they don’t believe in. Pep talks and promotions won’t work if they find no meaning in it. If an INFP wants to leave, they will leave no matter what.
2. Too private, making them tough nuts to crack.
INFP only opens up to their most trusted friends. If an INFP considers you one, then you get an exclusive ticket to their warm, caring, and goofy character.
Unfortunately, people who “don’t like INFPs” are probably out of the circle and unable to get past the 10-feet high wall. However hard people try to approach and make friends with these free spirits, if an INFP doesn’t resonate with your values, they would keep their guards up.
Although kind, some people see INFPs as standoffish. For them, INFPs are “selectively kind”, serious, unapproachable, and bland.
3. INFPs can be self-absorbed.
With introverted feeling (Fi) as our dominant cognitive function, INFPs can be over-critical about themselves.
“They think everything is about them,” a guy from Quora said, which can be true at times.
Indeed, INFPs are self-reflecting types. They evaluate themselves a little too much and gain formidable knowledge about their shortcomings. Worse, they amplify them even more.
As a result, anyone who points out their flaws will be deemed offensive and a form of humiliation. Because of this sensitivity, people find it hard to crack jokes with INFPs, and feel the need to be extra perceptive around them.
4. INFPs can be too upright.
INFPs have high regard for values and moral standards. For them, pranks, bullying, and discrimination are going overboard their values.
However, even when people dive with healthy jokes, INFPs refuse to jive in. For them, INFPs make them feel like they’re terrible people. They see these idealists as “too upright” and may believe that they never go wrong.
5. Avoidant.
An angry INFP avoids arguments and conflicts to keep the peace. However, cold shoulders are worse than verbal arguments and it frustrates the hell out of people more.
It’s an INFP’s coping mechanism, but people see it as misleading and guilting.
I’ve once talked to a guy who had a fight with an INFP. He wanted to make peace but he ranted, “how do I make peace if she doesn’t even respond?” Truly, silence is worse than not knowing where to stand.
But Are INFPs Selfish People?
Do you think people can be both compassionate and self-centered? They sure can.
INFPs tread across both worlds. They can be self-centered, but let’s be clear, they are definitely not selfish people. There’s a difference.
Many define self-centeredness as thinking only about themselves and not reciprocating others’ needs. These people may lack perspective and appear inconsiderate.
Meanwhile, INFPs can be too giving, overthinking about others’ struggles, and can sacrifice much for their loved ones. Only that, when abused or intentionally harmed, these empaths know better to disengage from the situation and save themselves.
It causes a lot of internal friction in INFPs, but in the end, they will choose freedom and authenticity, breaking free from people who put them in a bind.
Being an introverted Feeler (Fi), INFP’s dominant cognitive function explains how they consult everything to their morals and values. They view the world not simply for what it is, but ask themselves, “What does this mean to ME” or “How does this affect ME?”
They’re not self-centered in a way that hogs the spotlight. But they have a strong sense of self, and they’re protective of it. So guarded. They will often think about how everything they encounter can relate to or impact them.
What INFPs Are Really Like…
1. INFPs are very supportive.
INFPs are genuinely supportive friends. They treat your win as theirs, too, and can get excited way ahead of anyone.
Once an INFP acknowledges your skill and talent, they will keep on pushing you to develop it. INFPs will shower you with ideas related to your skill, and genuinely want to see you grow.
Funny enough, INFPs will hype you up like no other. Facts.
2. They are life-long friends.
It’s hard to get to know INFPs. Getting into their circle is quite a maze but once you’re in there, they treasure friendships for a long time. They invest emotions with you.
As friends, they will take your secrets to the grave, and protect you even when you’re not around. They refrain from talking crap behind your back.
“My INFP friend makes me feel valued. She tells me she loves me and is the only one who really proves it.”
I read this in a forum. Yup, it doesn’t apply to everyone but I highly resonate with it. INFPs value friends to the core and may feel the need to prove it. The more years we go through, the more we cherish the friendship.
You have their loyalty as long as you don’t betray them. Don’t worry, they got you.
3. INFPs help people in secret without seeking recognition.
INFPs dislike people who abuse their kindness, but they will offer whatever they can to people in need, regardless if they’re close friends or not.
Although INFPs want to keep it a secret, the news about their good hearts spread out.
When I ask people about their INFP friends, I usually get a “she’s really kind” description. Like, they’re trying to convince me that their aloof friend is more than what she acts like.
As an INFP myself, I also received similar impressions. When conversations go deep, people tell me, “you know what, you’re really kind,” they made me feel like I was hiding my kindness the whole time. But maybe, I do?
People do notice and appreciate the humility and INFP’s disregard for recognition.
4. They care for other people’s feelings
INFPs are sensitive about the tone, gesture, and intention of people. Because they’re sensitive to such, they apply the same treatment to others.
INFP rule: “Don’t do to others what you don’t want others to do unto you.”
INFP will treat you the way they want people to treat them. Thus, they avoid offending anyone and are careful with their actions.
5. Empathetic!
INFPs absorb their surroundings deep within themselves. They immerse in people’s emotions, sense how they could’ve felt, and can live in their shoes.
When a person’s in pain, INFP’s intrapersonal intelligence allows them to soak up the feelings and make them their own. Thus, this makes INFP great empaths.
They are good listeners who give sensitive advice carefully sewn to adjust a person’s current emotions.
Conclusion
INFPs may sometimes come across as selfish to others. Their nonconformity and need for privacy can make them seem distant and selfish.
They may walk away from group norms and keep their thoughts to themselves. Saying “no” when something doesn’t align with their beliefs will feel cold for others.
But beneath all that is a caring heart.
INFPs are supportive and compassionate people. They feel deeply, listen without judgment, and show up for their friends. They may not always be loud about their care, but they love with sincerity.
So, while they might sometimes be misunderstood, please understand they’re just guided by a different compass. Just like everyone has principles to uphold. 🙂
That’s it! I hope this gave you insights! Thanks for reading. 🙂
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