We all have our fair share of heartaches and heartbreaks. And if there’s one thing we all agree on, that would be the fact that it’s hard to move on. It’s hard to burn all our memories and feelings for that special someone.
But guess what? It’s even more challenging for INFJs. As an INFJ, I can say that it’s easy for us to fall when we find the one. We treasure every memory. That’s why when it’s all over, we seem to lose a piece of us, too. If this resonates or you’re in that dark phase now, read on as we help you navigate these dark, murky waters of moving on.
INFJ and Heartbreaks
All is fair in love, as they would put it. No matter who you are or what you’ve achieved, you can’t say no if love gets you. Yes, you can suppress your feelings, but you’ll also suffer.
Most know that INFJs are hopeless romantics who easily fall in love. However, despite their nature, they struggle to initiate intimacy. They even struggle to make the first move.
When they fall in love, they give their all. Their idealism makes them perfect partners who are sensitive to the emotional needs of their partners.
They know what their partner wants even before they say them. While this is a laudable trait, it’s also one of the reasons why they end up inconsolably broken after a bad breakup.
So, how do INFJs deal with heartbreak?
I know this because I’m an INFJ who has been through a bad breakup. I was in a long-term relationship with this guy for almost nine years. When we first met, I wasn’t attracted to him. I liked his personality because he was fun to be with. Over time, I realized my feelings grew. One day, I was stunned to admit that I was already falling for someone who wasn’t my type.
Because he also liked me, we started a relationship only based on a mutual understanding. There were no labels, and I didn’t even bother asking him that because I was already swooning over that he liked me back.
I invested much in this person to cut the story short, even without the label. I gave him so much of my time, love, and everything you could think of. And that includes money. It was good at the start, but eventually, it got toxic. He broke up with me one too many times during our nine-year relationship. And every single time, I had to move on and try to forget him.
It was tough because INFJs like me are too idealistic to accept that a relationship we invested so much effort in isn’t working. We also tend to blame ourselves for not seeing the red flags early on. Without the rose-colored glasses, I realized he never loved me. Not then, not now.
What Does A Broken INFJ Look Like?
A brokenhearted INFJ looks fine and normal on the outside but terribly torn inside. We’re great at faking our emotions to keep people from knowing what we’re going through.
Few people knew that I was nursing a broken heart back then. But none of them knew the whole story. Even if my ex betrayed me, I never dared to reveal that he just used me. I guess the INFJ idealism is begging me never to admit it.
How is an INFJ after heartbreak? On the brighter side, moving in came when I exhausted all the reasons to keep loving the person. I started thinking more of myself and how I deserved all the love I gave to the wrong person. When INFJ realizes that they deserve more, they regain their level-headedness. And that’s the key to them moving on.
How Can INFJs Deal With Heartbreak?
INFJs have this habit of replaying scenarios, figuring out what went wrong when things started to go down, and what they could have done differently to spare themselves the heartache. They reframe and do things differently when they’re done thinking and rethinking their past decisions.
INFJs may be emotional, but they’re also serial overthinkers. And this is the only way their heads win over their hearts. Here are some ways an INFJ can deal with an excruciatingly painful heartbreak.
⭐Love yourself more.
This is cliche, but it still holds true – especially for INFJs. We give our all when we’re in love. We tend to forget to leave something for ourselves. We also often forget about the future because we want to make the best for the person we love. If your feelings aren’t reciprocated, we’d feel we’ve wasted too much love we could have given ourselves.
You can move on if you dust yourself off, stand up, and fight again. But this time, fight for yourself. Give yourself the love you willingly wasted on someone who betrayed your trust. At least, this time, you know that you will never betray yourself. So, buy that expensive handbag! Get your hair done. Splurge and buy yourself the things you deserve.
⭐Cut off ties.
The saying “out of sight, out of mind” is absolutely true. When you’re moving on, it’s always best to cut ties with everyone that’ll remind you of your ex. I can confidently suggest this bold move because I’ve been there. I met my ex’s family and friends. At some point, I thought they were also my family and friends.
But if there’s one golden lesson I can share, that would be this: Your ex’s family was never yours. Their friends will never be your friends. Why? Because at the end of the day, they’re closer.
They knew one another more than you knew everyone. They might not take his side now, but they’ll still choose to protect their own, just like how your family and friends protect you. So, say goodbye to them and open more space for new people to enter your life.
⭐Be with your family and friends.
When you’re going through a bad breakup, it’s easy to feel unworthy. You might also tend to blame yourself for the failed relationship. At worse, you may also start to question yourself and what you could have done better.
Your mind may tell you it’s your fault. But hey, the truth is, you never lacked anything. You were never too needy. You were never too clingy. And you were never too attached. You just loved and asked for reciprocation from the wrong person.
Instead of torturing yourself with these intrusive, negative thoughts, be with your family. Call your friends. Spend time with them again. You may not heal and feel better overnight, but I assure you you’ll wake up one day and discover that your heart isn’t hurting anymore.
Falling in love is easy; moving on isn’t. But you see, there’s no way out of this hellish situation except going through it. An INFJ breakup could be bad. Or it could be worse.
It may hurt badly now but give yourself time. The amount of hurt is just proof of how much you love. This may not mend your heart now, but I’ll say it anyway: it will improve with time. Feel the pain, cry, and release all the hurt. Soon, you’ll be ready to start over.
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