Skip to content
  • Save

Things That Hurt INFJs The Most (But They Don’t Show To The World)

Like Peter Parker in his Spiderman suit or Bruce Wayne as Batman, INFJs too can hide under a mask. However, unlike their superheroes, INFJs hide their hurt feelings under their strong and composed personality.

INFJs and hurt feelings always go hand in hand. But it’s difficult to notice as these introverts hide it incredibly. Ranging from personal, friendship, and romantic hurt, INFJs know how to mask it all.

If you want to know more about what hurts INFJs the most and why they keep it to themselves, keep reading below…

What Hurts an INFJ the Most?

INFJs’ dominant cognitive function is introverted Intuition(Ni). They can recognize patterns in their environment which helps them predict logically probable scenarios. Aside from foreseeing the future, INFJs’ also give them a strong gut feeling when meeting people, dealing with difficult situations, and making important decisions.

With the combination of logical reasoning and intuition, INFJs are almost always confident about their choice of friends and relationships. And this confidence becomes the cause of their most hurtful personal experiences the moment someone breaks their trust.

INFJs have trust issues. So, when they decide to trust a friend, they give their wholehearted trust. Because they’re confident that their friends won’t snitch on them. Therefore, INFJs are hurt by friends who betray them.

For example, when INFJs tell you a secret, they expect you to keep it no matter what. What hurts an INFJ the most is when they catch you spilling their vulnerable confessions to others.

After INFJs’ Ni comes to their auxiliary cognitive function extraverted Feeling (Fe). As empaths, INFJs rely heavily on others’ emotions to navigate their own. When they see their friends happy, they are joyful too.

However, when they don’t feel their friends reciprocating the same care and understanding as they give, they get sadly hurt.

This hurt also applies in relationships where INFJs don’t think their significant other is giving enough importance to them. INFJs hurt by relationships can come off as being passive, unresponsive, and cold.

Additionally, INFJs are hurt most when they see apathy toward them.

Because INFJs are listeners rather than sharers, they rarely open up their feelings even to the people they trust. That’s why when they do, they feel the most vulnerable. When they see that their friends or significant other shows disinterest in their vulnerability, they get deeply hurt.

How To Deal With The Hurt

As an INFJ, I know there are only two steps INFJs take to deal with the hurt. First, shut off from the pain. And second, move on.

As introverts who seem well-put up and emotionally regulated on the outside, INFJs are the complete opposite on the inside. We are sensitive and emotional people who aren’t comfortable showing our vulnerability to others. So, we keep it to ourselves.

Although other personalities may consider this INFJs’ toxic trait, there is a deeper reason why these introverts continue to neglect their personal emotions—expectations. All their life, INFJs are expected to be Advocates. The person who fixes problems and is mature.

And this leads INFJs to prioritize dealing with others’ emotions rather than their own (hurt).

However, there is still a way to overcome the hurts we receive from friends and relationships. INFJs must validate and allow themselves to feel their emotions.

How can they do it? First, pause and give yourself space to process your feelings.

It may sound simple, but with their busy day full of planned activities, this can be challenging for INFJs. You can start by writing down all the hurt you feel in a journal—which INFJs like—and allowing yourself to dump all the negative emotions you feel.

This may be tough at first. But as you continue, it will get better.

Second, verbalize your hurt. Since INFJs’ introverted Thinking (Ti) allows them to use their logic rather than be overpowered by emotions when speaking, this can be an extremely challenging contradiction. However, if you want to move past the hurt, you must say what you feel to let the person who hurt you know.

This does not have to be confrontational, as you can say it honestly and casually.


If you could sum up what hurts an INFJ the most, it would be rejection.

For INFJs, rejection can be in the form of breaking their trust and showing little care about them. Since they hold back their feelings to prioritize others, their friends don’t notice when they hurt these sensitive individuals. But it’s in the mundane actions that these introverts get hurt the deepest.

If you’re an INFJ and you’re still dealing with hurt that hasn’t healed, this is your sign to finally act upon it. It isn’t complicated too. You must only remember two steps: feel and speak.

Let yourself feel all the hurt. And let the one who hurt you help you patch up the pain.

You may also like:


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *