INFJs are considered one of the rarest personality types, while ISFJs are one of the most common.
But have you ever wondered what would happen if these two personality types fell for each other? Will a relationship between the Advocate and the Defender work?
Both personality types are caring and compassionate, making them excellent partners in life. But do they get along?
Let’s take a look:
Do INFJs and ISFJs get along?
Obviously, INFJs and ISFJs are introverts (I), which means they prefer their own company over spending time with others. Moreover, quality time is their love language, so they would definitely agree on a social aspect.
Being extraverted Feelers (Fe), both are also concerned about how the other would feel. They’d be willing to take a step back and let the other shine, or step up whenever their partner feels uncomfortable. INFJ-ISFJ relationship oozes with care, protection, and sensitivity.
They value close, deep relationships and are focused on developing social harmony.
But although they are both feelers which is a huge pro, they have a significant difference in how they predominantly see the world.
INFJs lead with introverted intuition (Ni), meaning they focus on their internal insights, idealism, and intuition. They’d be the people who can get lost in their own heads, and overthink the ideas before taking action. Don’t get me wrong, INFJs get the job done, but they want ample time to mentally process ideas before delivering their actions.
On the other hand, ISFJs have introverted sensing (Si) as their dominant function. They prefer concrete information and rely heavily on past experiences. They easily “get” the tangible aspects of their everyday life, especially when they have dealt with them in the past.
The Advocates are idealistic, while the Defenders are practical. Because of these differences, their perception, decision-making, and problem-solving skills differ.
So, do INFJ and ISFJ get along?
Overall, INFJs and ISFJs share common grounds, like warmth and care for each other. However, being an empath and a sensor, they may have concrete differences that may cause conflicts from time to time. Nonetheless, when INFJ and ISFJ learn to overcome their differences, it leaves them nothing but care, stability, and unwavering commitment.
The Strengths of the INFJ-ISFJ Relationship
The INFJ and ISFJ compatibility is an interesting dynamic. They have similar values, such as pursuing deep, intimate, and meaningful connections. Here are more reasons why these INFJ-ISFJ relationships are compatible.
1. They’re both warm and sensitive to each others’ needs.
Again, INFJs and ISFJs are extraverted Feelers (Fe). This allows them to be both sensitive to each other’s needs. They are thoughtful and generous to their partner and provide emotional, financial, or moral support as much as possible. Both are excellent at reciprocating and would do everything for each other, even at the expense of themselves.
Because they’re both concerned with others’ emotions, an ISFJ would immediately sense something is off with their INFJ partner and can peek through the secretive masks.
And thankfully, it’s what an INFJ wants all along — a person who tries to dig into their depths and actually care about what they’re thinking.
When it comes to being patient, ISFJs are best at that. INFJs love how their ISFJ can listen to never-ending rants about the world. They love being heard and comforted, especially when unwillingly dragged into situations they didn’t sign up for.
ISFJs become INFJ’s strong pillar. Stability and gentleness fused into one.
More importantly, in times of trouble, they vouch for each other. They are each other’s partners in crime.
2. INFJ and ISFJ may have similar preferences.
One of the strengths of INFJ-ISFJ relationships is their similarity in habits and preferences.
For example, as introverts, they prefer the same kind of dates. The places an INFJ would go, the ISFJ would, too. And vice versa.
Museums? Conventions? Nature? Aside from destinations, they’re one with avoiding big and noisy crowds, too.
A perfect date for this pairing can look like a dinner at home (probably prepared by the ISFJ), or just chilling outside, along with deep conversations.
But if ever they have other matters to attend to and have different preferences, they’re open-minded enough not to burden their partners.
They respect each other’s need for personal space, time, and give room for independence. They can be in the same room but engaged in their own activities and are perfectly fine with that setup.
3. They want a committed relationship.
These two are passionate and emotional. In relationships, they both want sincerity, consistency, and stability.
What’s more, both are generally committed and loyal. INFJs and ISFJs don’t date to play around. When they enter into a relationship, they commit.
4. They fill where each other lack.
When a relationship is new, it can be a challenging and rough road for INFJ and ISFJ. As mentioned above, empaths and sensors operate from different perspectives.
But once they understand each others’ weaknesses and become more open-minded, their difference can become a solid foundation to bring out each others’ best.
ISFJs have weak Ne, and can be empowered by listening to INFJ’s strong Ni.
INFJs have weak Se, and it’s improved by learning from ISFJ’s strong Si.
Here’s an image of INFJ-ISFJ’s cognitive functions.
They fill where each other lack.
As an ISFJ listens to their INFJ’s idealism, they start to learn that, “Oh yeah, there are other ways I can do this. I should consider other concepts, too.” and bang, an ISFJ would open up to more possibilities, strengthening their Ne function (expanding idealism).
As an INFJ watches their ISFJ’s practical ways, INFJ gets the idea of how things should be done. It brings these idealists to take action and crave physical outcomes, too, strengthening their Se function (dwelling in the what-is).
ISFJs can keep INFJs grounded and more in touch with reality. INFJs teach ISFJs that there are other ways to solve a problem.
Moreover, when each strength is utilized, it will be a great dynamic.
Say, ISFJ is assigned to the practical, and INFJ is assigned to the planning. You get a mastermind and an action-man. If they both are convinced of a goal, who can stop them?
5. They are both organized.
INFJ-ISFJ prefers routines and structure. Meaning, no one will get frustrated about changing minds at the last minute. They like maintaining things in order, keeping their place tidy, and following a schedule.
The Struggles of the INFJ-ISFJ Relationship
We’re done with all the amazing pros of being in an INFJ-ISFJ relationship. It is full of potential, that’s true. However, remember that, like any relationship, it can also be complicated.
No matter how perfect a pairing may seem, there is no perfect relationship.
Let’s take a look at the most common INFJ ISFJ relationship problems:
1. They avoid confrontations.
Advocates and Defenders both like maintaining social harmony. They don’t like causing an argument or disappointment. And because of that, when a conflict arises, both these personality types avoid confrontations instead of discussing them.
To them, it seems like it’s the best idea to resolve a conflict. But, of course, it does more harm than good in the long run. The problem piles up, and it is never opened up, until one day, it goes off into a horrifying outburst that can eventually sever the relationship.
Both can take grudges. They may act as if they forgave you by caring and making you feel heard. But deep inside, they carried that hurtful memory all along, like a ticking bomb.
Months to years later, you will be surprised how the problem will surface again, and you just don’t know how to fix it because the pain has been there all along.
2. INFJs think of the future, and ISFJs think of the present.
INFJs dwell with the what-if, ISFJs with the what-is.
As idealists, it is typical for INFJs to daydream and always think of the future. But ISFJs think differently—they are practical and realists. They would rather be burdened with the problems of today than solve the problems that are yet to materialize.
With such a disconnect, INFJs and ISFJs may not see each other eye to eye.
An INFJ may dream of a wedding in the far future, while an ISFJ may focus on what they have now.
To the INFJ, it may come off as hurtful that the ISFJ isn’t dreaming the way they do and might think their partner doesn’t see a future with them, but it’s not the case for the ISFJ partner.
3. Abstract ideas don’t interest ISFJs.
INFJs love the abstract, the ISFJ doesn’t. So what happens?
This may build dissatisfaction in their relationship. You see, INFJs lead with the Ni-Fe function. This means they swim in their own imaginative worlds, and would love to share them with others, especially with their partners.
Unfortunately, listening isn’t enough even when an ISFJ can be patient about their INFJ’s whimsical ideas. INFJs want more — a mental stimulation. They want their ISFJ to add more ideas, swim in their own stories, and be intuitively connected.
So when an ISFJ can’t meet the imaginative level of INFJ, and the ISFJ starts to get annoyed by how focused their partners can be with the intangibles, the relationship may become dull.
This is why INFJ and ISFJ must have people who understand their motivation. INFJs need intuitive friends they can rely on, and ISFJs need trusted friends to go with them doing practical activities.
4. In the beginning, both can be hard to understand and overly sensitive.
ISFJs may struggle to understand their INFJ, and vice versa. They simply interpret things differently.
INFJs can be overly sensitive to criticism, even if it’s constructive criticism given by their loving ISFJ, who is just looking out for them. Conflicts can arise due to their different communication styles.
Meanwhile, INFJs may need help understanding ISFJ’s logic, too.
Even though INFJ is known to mirror and easily understand people’s behaviors, an INFJ may find ISFJ’s logic incomprehensible.
Say, an INFJ would keep confrontations peaceful, with consideration for other people’s emotions. On the other hand, the ISFJ would be more upfront in putting people in their place, even if it means a direct clash — and this is against INFJ’s empathetic nature.
So when they both reach a situation involving other people, you can imagine how stressful their arguments can be because both are stubborn (and different) in using their Fe.
5. The Selfless Duo
Ahh, selflessness. Indeed, INFJs and ISFJs help others at the expense of their own.
INFJs can compromise their boundaries for others, and ISFJs put other people’s happiness above their own.
In most times, both are selfless and would prioritize their partner’s needs — which is great! But what’s destructive is when INFJs and ISFJs can do the same selflessness for the benefit of other people.
ISFJ leaves their INFJ because their friends called for assistance in the farthest town.
INFJ leaves their ISFJ because their other friend currently needs a “friend therapist.”
Both love their friends and will do much to ease their troubles.
But while selflessness can be a good act, too much of anything bad can ruin their relationship, especially when it starts to overlap the couple’s attention from each other and triggers jealousy.
When not handled well, selflessness will lead to singleness (lol).
INFJ-ISFJ Relationship Advice
If you’re in an INFJ-ISFJ relationship, and you encountered the struggles above, here are some things you can do to make the relationship healthy and satisfying:
- Learn your partner’s body language. Both personality types are altruists who do not want to inconvenience other people. Because of that, they are too selfless and willing to sacrifice to make their partner happy. But if you know your partner’s language and you can sense when they’re sad, angry, or worried, you’ll be able to support and help them even when they’re too shy to ask for your help.
- In return, you should also develop better communication skills and learn to speak up. ISFJs like helping people. INFJs like saving people. But whether you are an ISFJ or INFJ, it’s important to remember that it’s okay to ask for help, too. Being in tune with your emotions can make you healthier and lead to a healthier relationship.
- Both INFJs and ISFJs should find ways to address conflicts without initiating an argument. It’s better to confront each other than to suppress the conflict and let it pile up.
- Both INFJs and ISFJs should keep an open mind and be open to compromises. INFJs should refrain from being stubborn and accept the practical ways and tried approaches that ISFJs use in their life. On the other hand, ISFJs should be open to the innovative ideas of INFJs, and learn to understand them.
- An INFJ tends to lose touch with reality because they are too focused on their imagination. Instead of opposing an INFJ’s ideas, an ISFJ partner should help them keep grounded.
- Have trusted friends to hang around with outside the relationship. It’s healthier if an INFJ and ISFJ will maintain good friendships that can stimulate their imaginative/practical activities like book writing or sports.
An INFJ-ISFJ relationship is interesting and full of potential. They can help each other grow in the relationship and as an individual.
If you are in this kind of relationship, remember to take time to get to know each other’s strengths and weaknesses. When you learn more about each other and work on your differences, you will have a much more meaningful relationship based on mutual trust and respect.
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