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7 Things INFJs Struggle With The Most and How To Cope With Them

INFJ is considered one of the rarest personality types in the world. As introverted intuitive feeler judgers, we perceive the world differently and function differently from others.

Our principles guide our actions, and we always make sure that the things we say or do are based on our values. But having a unique personality type comes as both a blessing and a curse.

What Does It Feel Like to Be an INFJ?

I’m an INFJ, and here’s what it feels like to be one.

INFJs seem cold and distant and won’t say a word unless you initiate the conversation. But on the other hand, we can also be very active communicators, also considered extroverted introverts.

As advocates, we love helping people, but sometimes, some see it as an opportunity to take advantage of our altruism. We may have difficulty saying no to people’s requests because of our desire to help them.

But once we realize your true intentions, good luck getting us to do you another favor. 

This is just a glimpse of how it is to be an INFJ, and you may already be thinking that an INFJ is a complex individual.

Yes, that’s true. We are complex, deep thinkers, and I think these INFJ traits make us unique. But being unique and having a rare personality type also comes with distinctive problems.

What do INFJs struggle with the most? Here is a list of the usual INFJ problems.

7 Things INFJs Struggle With The Most

1. INFJs struggle with perfectionism.

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When you think of the word “perfectionist,” you might think of an INFJ.

Yes, INFJs are perfectionists, and we don’t want to settle for just this

When we want something, we don’t give our bare minimum to achieve it. We do our best because we want to get perfect results.

Getting a 96 on an exam may be a good enough score for someone else, but anything less than perfect is not enough for an INFJ.

But if you think it’s exhausting to be a perfectionist, you should see how INFJs do extensive plans.

2. INFJs need structure.

Most INFJs don’t act on impulses. All our tasks and activities are scheduled. If we list a task on our planner or calendar, we stick to it. If you ask us to get something done, expect us to deliver.

When it comes to organizing stuff, INFJs have a way of doing it. It may show in how we stack our books on our shelves, which pens we use on which notebook, or how we keep things around the house. 

We have a structure that may seem unnecessary for some because only we understand how such a system works.

Doing all of these may seem like a lot of work, but we need to feel a sense of control, and we can only achieve it through structured planning and organizing.

3. INFJs tend to overthink — even those that happened years ago.

We may be very good at planning things, setting up our calendars, or arranging our books on our shelves, but when it comes to our thoughts, it’s a different story.

The truth is, INFJs have a messy pattern of thoughts. We tend to overthink even the smallest of things that other people can easily shrug off.

An INFJ may suddenly remember a random meme they saw on social media that will lead them to a specific book title, and that title will trigger an unpleasant memory. Now, they’re thinking about something that happened several years ago.

And if you ask them why they’re upset, will you believe it all started with a random meme?

INFJs overanalyze almost everything to the point that we become so exhausted with our minds.

4. INFJs struggle with setting boundaries.

By now, it’s no secret that INFJs have a knack for helping people. If you’re struggling with the ups and downs of life, and need a shoulder to cry on, you can count on an INFJ to be there for you.

If you’re working on a project and need an extra pair of hands, you can rely on an INFJ. That’s just how dependable we can be.

But that characteristic of ours is like a double-edged sword. Because helping other people seems to be a part of our life’s mission, it sometimes leads us to compromise our boundaries.

INFJs may have difficulty turning down requests or favors because we don’t want to disappoint or let you down.

5. INFJs are extremely private.

INFJs are good listeners. You can talk to us about your life, problems, and dream job, and we will listen to you. 

Yes, we may be good listeners, but you seldom hear us open up about ourselves. We may know much about your life, but you do not know much about us.

INFJs are extremely private about their personal lives, and they only select very few people to open up to. Aside from details about our personal life, we rarely seek help whenever we’re going through a tough time.

One of the reasons we keep problems to ourselves is that we don’t want to inconvenience other people.

We know they may be going through something, too, and we don’t need them to hear whatever we have going on with our lives.

6. INFJs are misunderstood individuals.

There may be many things going on in our heads, but we choose not to share them with you. Thus, people misunderstand us and think we are snobs or have nothing to say. But once we do, it often surprises people.

“I didn’t know you’re talkative!” is a common remark we hear when we tend to speak our minds.

Or when we decide we want to welcome you or be friends with you, we can be mistaken as extroverts because “introverts are supposed to be quiet and awkward.” 

We can joke around and be funny in a way you didn’t expect us to be. But in reality, we only want to make you feel comfortable.

7. INFJs need harmony.

As advocates, we want to maintain peace and harmony. We don’t like conflicts, and we try to avoid them. Like I’ve said, INFJs can stay quiet even though many things run through our minds.

You can utter criticisms against an INFJ, but they will ignore you instead of talking back to you. It’s not because they agree with you, nor because they’re scared to talk back.

It’s because they don’t want to stir things up. They don’t want to cause an even bigger problem, so they’d rather stay silent.

But when an INFJ feels like they’ve hurt you or have said something that upset you (again, we’re overthinkers), we tend to be direct and initiate a conversation. 

When we feel like we’ve done something wrong, we go out of our way to apologize and sort things out, and sometimes it comes off as annoying or clingy.

These are some of the most common struggles that INFJ deals with in their day-to-day lives. But there are ways to cope with them.

How Can INFJs Cope with Their Struggles?

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If you’re an INFJ and you’ve struggled with perfectionism, it’s helpful to remember that you are not supposed to compete with other people. You can’t be the best in everything because each of us has strengths and weaknesses. 

Instead of striving to be the best among everyone in everything, all you need is to be a better person than you were yesterday. 

There’s always room for improvement, and every day is an opportunity to learn something new.

We must also remember that we are our worst critics. There’s an inner voice inside us saying all the negative things we don’t like hearing, but we still hear it anyway.

The thoughts in our head can be messy, and being an extremely private person who overthinks isn’t the best combo for a personality.

Sometimes it’s hard to articulate our thoughts, but writing them down in a journal can help ease your mind. 

You may easily be misunderstood by a lot of people, but there is at least one person who understands you and is willing to listen if only you would allow yourself to open up to them. 

And that person might be the confidante you never knew you needed. 

We badly want to be the change in the world. We want to save everyone who needs saving. But we should not forget that we don’t have to carry the world on our shoulders.


INFJs may have contradicting traits, but it is what makes us unique.

And even though we can get lost in our thoughts, an INFJ is one of the most trustworthy, empathic, and reliable people you will want to have around you.

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