The INFJ Stare: What Is it All About?

If you’ve watched Wednesday on Netflix, you’re probably familiar with the gothic Addams family. Morticia Addams, Wednesday’s mother, is known for her classic intimidating stare that could manipulate people around her. (And she’s so classy, too!)

And it’s no surprise that this distinct stare is not only a trait unique to Morticia. But also her fellow INFJs too.

What exactly is the INFJ stare? What does it mean? And should other MBTI personalities be scared of it?

Let’s talk about it.

What is an INFJ stare?

The “INFJ stare” is a term used to describe INFJ’s intense, focused gaze. The Advocates are known for being deeply empathetic, intuitive, and introspective, and this gaze is often associated with their ability to read into the situation, emotions, and thoughts of others.

However, people who are unaware of personality types find the INFJ stare intimidating or unsettling — especially when these idealists unknowingly take their time staring at you! But the truth is, it is usually a sign of the INFJ’s strong intuition and empathy.

When INFJs are stuck in a social situation, they thoroughly evaluate their surroundings before making a move. These introverts dislike spontaneity, so much, that they prepare how to act and who to approach.

You can say they’re calculative. No wonder they’re considered the most logical empaths — they don’t just do things on a whim!

What’s more, INFJs use their introverted intuition (Ni) function when staring—err, observing— people.

What does it mean to have high Ni? I wrote a post here about how introverted intuition (Ni) and extraverted intuition (Ne) differ in terms of projected attitudes.

Simply put, INFJs have a more linear way of processing their thoughts, while Ne users, like INFP and ENFP would see information as compartments.

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Ni is linear, Ne looks like compartments of ideas

Being linear in their way of thinking, INFJs manifest their thought process as a straight thousand-yard stare — they’re attentive but also seem like their minds are traveling so far back.

Meanwhile, Ne users would usually dart their eyes upward, as if the answers to their questions were all written on the ceiling.

INFJs can look at a person from a distance for a long time or stare at them for a few minutes. The intensity and intent of their stares really differ. And often, INFJs get too caught up in it that they would completely space out on everyone except one person.

When this happens, INFJs would typically need to be called out for staring too intensely, for them to notice it themselves.

Should You Be Intimidated By INFJ Stare?

“Why in the world is this INFJ staring at me?” 

Calm down. There’s nothing aggressive about this. But to be honest, I agree they can probably make you self-conscious!

You would feel intimidated by the INFJ stare if you haven’t established a relationship with them. But if you’re already aware of their typical emotions, you’ll recognize that they don’t mean any harm by staring. It’s completely normal (for them, at least)! 

Even when you think of them as mad or judging you, don’t worry. If you’re not doing anything that endangers people, their stares are just like that — resting B* face, 24/7.

Don’t misinterpret their stare as showing their dislike.

Try talking to them and believe me, they light up and warm up as quickly as a flash.

What do INFJs’ stares mean?

1. INFJs use different stares for different kinds of situations.

Romantic, intimidating, jealous, and judging. These are some of the types of stares INFJs use for different situations.

For INFJs, the most common stare they do is the observational stare. This type of stare usually happens when they’re still hesitant about someone. It’s their calculative nature kicking in.

“Who’s this new guy?”
“What’s the commotion all about?”
“Hmm… His opinion makes sense.”

So, you’ll likely catch them with an observational stare when they’re uncomfortable or just trying to make sense of their surroundings.

On the other hand, INFJs also have a romantic stare they give to a person they feel attracted to. Like how Morticia Addams stares at her husband Gomez, so do other INFJs romantically gaze at their significant other.

It’s quite easy to catch them developing feelings for someone. They love looking at someone they like because it gives them a better grasp of their emotions.

It’s a guilty pleasure most INFJs won’t admit.

2. INFJs unconsciously stare when they find you interesting.

I know a couple of INFJs who have grown to make staring at people a habit. And they had to make a conscious effort to do it less because the people around them were starting to be uncomfortable about it. 

If you’re weird, funny, deep, and mysterious — interesting overall — it’s the culprit why an INFJ would stare at you so much.

But who knows, you could be someone they admire (or hate), too. 

Funnily, I often catch INFJs staring at their monitors during zoom meetings. It’s not a mere “look” at the monitor. They’re down for a long pause, and I can tell their mind is attentively wandering as other people speak. And because I’m aware that they do it, I sometimes find it funny.

Their eyes are locked on, wide, and attentive. And what’s more fascinating was it was a straight darting stare.

They’d probably have internal dialogues going on as they’re listening to people. Multi-tasking, huh?

3. INFJs stare to get to know you deeper.

INFJ’s eyes look like a classic portrait painting. They don’t move so much, and their eyes are settled on the people they’re talking to. It’s simple yet deep. I’m sometimes scared to look at the eyes of paintings because they have this unwavering stare, just like INFJ’s.

These Advocates are naturally curious people. They seek to expand their knowledge every day. And in a mundane way, they inevitably process information — manifesting into a stare — to learn the behavioral patterns of people without directly talking to them. 

They do that to know how someone reacts to various external stimuli. It may sound scientific, but INFJs want to know what makes you happy, upset, nervous, and angry based on how others treat you. 

Conclusion 

The INFJ gaze is a way these introverts either give a hint that they are interested or bothered by you. But they also do it as a pastime to quench their thirst for learning more about behavioral patterns.

The INFJ stare is a unique trait as these introverts know exactly when and how to use it without looking like a stalker. They have no intention of putting their skills at observing for bad. It’s purely their genuine interest in people which makes them stare. 


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