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5 Things That Turn Off and Annoy INFJ

INFJ makes deep and critical thinkers. But while they’re called the most logical feelers, no one can deny their reserved, yet irresistible presence that wraps people with warmth and understanding.

But here’s a blight. While INFJs are naturals at setting one at ease, some people ought to overlook that these accepting spirits can get annoyed, too. Once you’ve reached the limits, you may notice how they pay less attention to you, which is quite alarming for people who are used to their warmth.

What things annoy INFJs?

Generally, INFJs seek harmony with the people around them. That said, anyone who disrupts the cordial atmosphere – people who discriminate, are close-minded, aggressive, and intentionally brew up arguments – annoy INFJs. 

5 Things That Annoy INFJs

Want to make sure you’re not annoying the INFJs in your life? Here are 5 things that annoy INFJs you may not be aware of:

1. Bad listeners

No one listens to my stories as intently as my INFJ friends.

But although they pose great listening skills and give the floor to you, truth is, INFJs expect to be given time for their fair share of ideas, too. Because they are keen listeners, they expect people to do the same. 

But unfortunately, many people can be self-absorbed and cares less about the exchange of ideas. They unleash a heavy ton of emotions to INFJ, but when INFJs share theirs, some people turn absent-minded about it – and it’s obviously annoying.

Do you know what annoys INFJs more? It’s the feeling when people wait them out to finish their story, so they can run back to their own narration. They let INFJs speak, but give no considerable response or feedback.

Truly, what INFJs want is a genuine and purposeful response where they feel a 2-way communication going on.

2. Dragging them out without a plan? Don’t you dare.

INFJs keep a list of plans in their minds and do it ahead of time. They distinctly check the menu before going to the restaurant or create a mental schedule of what to do during the day. 

That said, saying things like, “let’s find that out when we get there” or “just go with the flow” will annoy the prepared geek in INFJs.

If you’re inviting an INFJ to a get-away, at least let them know who, where, and what to expect.

As you give them more details, they can then plan ahead of time. Will they meet new people there? Where will they stay for the night? How much cash should they bring? How long will these get-away be? At what time will they be at home?

They need to know what’s gonna happen and prepare for every possibility that may occur.

Moreover, because they have invested in planning and preparation, last-minute changes annoy INFJs, too.

That said, I now understand why one INFJ friend of mine never takes part in group planning. Because we often cancel at the last minute! (Sorry!) 

3. Close-mindedness and imposing beliefs.

INFJs are open-minded people. With the wide range of people they talk to, it’s obvious how they can handle varying opinions well.

Even if it’s a dark secret, a belief contradicting theirs, or a whole new perspective they encountered, INFJs are tolerant and will respect it.

However, these deep thinkers abhor people who bully, outcast, or shame people for carrying a different belief. For them, people who shut down others’ ideals because it misaligns with theirs is utterly disappointing and annoying. 

It’s one way to make INFJs distance themselves from you.

4. People who are aggressive with their opinions.

People who love turning conversations into arguments annoy INFJs.

To be fair, people, mostly Thinkers, do not necessarily spark fights, but they do love the thrill they get from debates. Some types can be more aggressive than others. 

But to INFJs? This won’t work. Although INFJs are open-minded, they can’t tolerate people who hammer down their beliefs to others. They prefer diplomatic and courteous conversations. 

INFJs are conscious about the content and scope of the conversation more than the delivery, so wrapping some flashy arguments around it actually loses INFJ’s interest. 

5. Telling them, “You still think about that? Move on!”

INFJs are natural analyzers, deep thinkers, and perhaps, overthinkers, especially when alone.

When a question pops up, they would go in a loop, backtrack on logical reasons, until they reach a deep, perfect, and most logical answer. INFJs examine every facet of the situation and won’t stop until they fully understand why everything led to such consequences.

INFJs are introverted intuitives (Ni). Their default cognitive makeup is to come up with an explanation about… everything! And if there’s a missing piece in the picture, you can imagine how much INFJs will spend time finding a rational reason for it – may it be their own plan, a conflict, or a past experience people have already forgotten about.

So telling them to “move on” about things that they never had closure with will not only annoy INFJs but also give them the notion that you don’t understand them.


As much as possible, INFJs try to be non-confrontational and understanding especially with friends they grew accustomed to. They deeply care about uniting and sharing a common ground with people.

While they are strong-willed people, they also are naturally heartwarming and awesome conversationalists. INFJs know how to match people’s energy, make them feel heard, and understood.

They do so much in lifting other people’s burdens, and these beautiful souls do deserve to be heard and cared for. I’m talking from experience since I’m surrounded by several INFJs who I leaned on during my lowest days.

And to show our care… maybe we can start by not annoying INFJs. Right? Right!

– M. Mathias

Thanks for reading!


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