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6 Things That Hurt INFP But They Will Never Show To the World


“INFPs are crybabies.”

I guess these are the common stereotypes we always hear about INFPs. At some point, I agree that we do are soft and sensitive. I won’t deny that. INFPs do shed a tear on many circumstances – when we’re under overwhelming joy, or watching tear-jerker movies, or by simply listening to inspiring testimonies.

But what’s unknown to the masses is that INFPs keep their real problems private. They carry burdens within themselves and no one will know unless the INFP has already gone through it.

Why do INFPs cry easily?

INFP cries easily as they find a deeper meaning in almost everything they perceive or experience. An INFP responds to genuine happiness, disappointment, or a deep-rooted understanding with overflowing emotions, which they may vent out outwardly in ways such as crying.

But contrary to people’s perception, INFPs don’t forever cry behind closed doors. We don’t slam doors and run over our beds to burst out crying (unless we purposely want to).

But in normal cases, it’s definitely the opposite. INFPs are quiet when they’re alone – thinking, and self-reflecting on their emotions. We may tear up, but we rarely burst out with cries.

I had this realization after the talk I had with an ENFJ friend. She told me how she breaks down when she’s on her own, like, really immersing herself in the pain, drowning in tears. But when she’s with her friends, her emotions melt away.

I was baffled because I do the opposite. I said, “You know, I tear up every time we talk about it [a personal issue of mine], but when I’m alone, I work just fine.”

INFPs can hold their tears and emotions when they’re alone. But when we have to talk about it out loud, we burst out crying like we’re dealing with something grave.

It’s how my emotions act up as an INFP throughout the years. It feels embarrassing at times, to be honest – to cry in the middle of a crowd when you didn’t really intend to.

Materializing what we feel through words, and with an audience, instigates massive emotions. And since people only see this emotional part of INFPs, they judge us as fragile and sensitive.

But really, INFPs aren’t as weak as people thought. Rather, they are one of the personality types who secretly face unfortunate challenges and successfully win them over.

While they may be crybabies on the outside, they can bottle up personal problems and massive emotions on the inside, more than anyone else.

6 Things That Hurt INFP But They Will Never Show To the World

INFPs can be vocal about their disappointment, like how they stand up for someone bullied, or lashing out their piled-up anger against insensitive people.

But in this post, let’s see what hurt an INFP but will bottle up within themselves. Here are 6 things that hurt an INFP but people won’t see them crying over:

1. When people devalue what INFP cares about, i.e creative projects.

INFPs don’t carelessly show their creative works to the world. It takes months, or even years, of finding the courage to let other people take a glimpse.

But once an INFP decides to show it to you, it means they trust you and hope you’d appreciate it. To be more precise, they are exposing their truest selves and deepest thoughts through these pieces of personal projects.

I remember when a few of my friends grabbed my notebook containing my drafts. I know it was a joke but I literally wrestled at most of my stamina just to take it back. INFPs can be that private towards their personal projects.

Thus, when someone brushes them off, it leaves a hole in an INFP’s heart. Moreover, they remember those who cared, and those who didn’t.

2. Regrets

What do INFPs regret? Unfinished artwork? A missed opportunity? It could be. However, one of the worst regrets an INFP can have is when they can’t make things right with someone they wronged. In other words, guilt is deep torment for an INFP.

They may regret not giving that last hug to a friend, or turning down their loved one’s last request. If they can bring back the time, they wish they could’ve been kinder, more patient, or more compassionate.

Guilt lasts a long time for an INFP. It’s cringey. They feel pathetic for acting ungrateful.

It’s nice if you still have the chance to make things right. But for an INFP who can’t amend their mistakes, maybe because the person they wronged is neither nearby nor exists, it might mean they will continually carry the pain. Their hurt remains within themselves.

3. Criticisms

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For an INFP, criticisms are gigantic boulders on the chest. They know they’ve done their best, poured their hearts, and felt authentic about every corner of the work, but one single criticism can shatter the months-long efforts of an INFP.

It’s an attack on perfectionism. It’s a villain’s trump card against an INFP.

INFPs, when hurt with criticisms, tend to doubt themselves and lose interest. Anxiety cripples and their self-confidence takes a massive blow. But they won’t let anyone know how affected they are. The decreased self-esteem and distrust will be kept only to themselves.

You may also like: 8 INFP Weaknesses and How to Turn Them to Your Advantage

4. When their emotions are not taken seriously

I once flipped against a friend’s insensitivity. But instead of apologizing, he had the guts to brush me off and say, “Come on, I’ll buy you food.” Those six words blew my fuse.

It’s a direct disrespect and a stomp on our integrity. 

What people don’t understand is that INFPs uphold morals and values more than food, gifts, or money. It strikes a raw nerve when people bribe INFPs as a form of apology. You don’t invalidate a person’s feelings and assume they’re just hungry.

Instead of gifts, we prefer a sincere apology, an ear willing to listen, and a reasonable solution to the persisting problem.

5. Feelings of uselessness

The feeling of uselessness grows in INFPs. When no one trusts their intellect, advice, and actions, an INFP starts to create a cloud of negative self-representation.

When they feel useless, everything around them – the organization, job, or daily chores – starts to suck the life out of them.

Self-doubt paralyzes INFP. The feeling of uselessness or not being heard hurts an INFP deeply to a point where their low perception of themselves translates to clumsiness, unwillingness, and unproductivity.

It’s hard to live by when you’re not making an impact. Truly, such reality is excruciating for an INFP.

You may like this: 5 Healthful Ways INFPs Overcome Procrastination

6. Betrayal

What hurts an INFP is betrayal from a trusted friend. Loyalty covers a huge portion for the INFP personality. 

I once told a confidential story to a trusted friend, and for once, I felt heard and understood. But by the time I was ready to share it with the others, I was surprised they already know what I have gone through.

“I told them!” my friend beamed. I laughed to hide my disappointment but deep within, it was piercing.

INFPs loathe it when people expose stories about them without their consent. Although it was a minor detail, an INFP will raise brows and feel hurt once a story they entrusted to a person breaks out. Deep within, you just chipped an INFP’s glass-like, sensitive trust.

INFP manage to hide problems and heal by themselves.

At times, people think we’re snowflakes who need to be watched over, tended, and taken care of. Indeed, we cry over simple things. We shed tears over gestures of kindness, animal videos, unexpected gifts, and stories of self-sacrifice.

But what people don’t know, these emotions, both happiness and grief, have dwelled long enough within us. We’ve grown accustomed to it. That said, when an INFP matures, most of them know how to deal with the rollercoaster emotions of life.

The Covid-19 Pandemic hit hard on my family and my friends. Lives were lost. Recently, I have been quiet in my social media accounts. Many people assumed I was still moving on and healing.

Nonetheless, the people who I regularly talk to were amazed at how forward-looking I was.

“You’re strong,” they said.

Yes. INFPs are stronger more than people realize.

Certainly, INFPs who have gone through grim challenges learn to sort out their feelings. INFPs may be snowflakes on the outside, but little do people know how capable we are of fixing ourselves and healing the pain.

It was asked in a forum, “if INFPs are healers, who heal INFPs?” Indeed, INFPs heal themselves.

-M. Mathias

Are you an INFP dealing with procrastination? Grab your copy of the “Not Lazy, Just INFP” e-book. 🙂

7 thoughts on “6 Things That Hurt INFP But They Will Never Show To the World”

  1. “It’s that, when you’re planning for trips, she may prefer alone time with you rather than bringing company around.”
    I can relate to this from INFP

  2. The thing I don’t understand about Infp is when you get closer to them, they will run away from you. At first I thought that was something negative then I realized they are afraid of commitment because their ideal love is so different from realism.
    What to do about this, how can we approach them?
    For example I have a girlfriend and sometimes she is so close sometimes she just shuts her off but I can see that she meet with her friends but not me, when I ask about her she says it is nothing personal.
    Should I say nothing but that will also make her feel bad, I am stuck. I hope you can help me, thank you.

    1. Hello, Ash!

      Indeed, INFPs are usually resistant to pressure, to people who chase them, and to those who drain much of their emotions. When they feel like falling into doing something they dislike, they would rather sidestep than face it head-on. If I may ask, what do you think triggered this INFP to do that? There must be a reason why she opens up to others but is aloof with you. I think the best way to approach this is to ask her directly, but gently. Ask her deep questions that will get her to respond easily. Not the “what’s the problem?” kind of questions – I think that’s kinda draining to explain, but ask specific questions like the Yes or No ones. Say, “Do you still care for me?” or “Am I too much for you?” and such.

      I guess after that, the issue will open up.

      Hope this takes a favorable turn. 🙂 Best Wishes.

      1. Thank you for your reply, I think I am too much for her. I am an Infj and my plans trigger her somehow, even though I don’t make her get along with my plans she thinks I am living my best life and she is just going with the flow.
        I know she cares about me but my feelings are deeper than her, that is why she doesn’t want it. She said she just wants to have fun but I don’t think that will work out that way.
        Thank you again, your reply made me feel like I’m doing the right thing. Have a good day.

        1. I can’t speak on your partner’s behalf but I see something in common between her and my personal experience as an INFP. So maybe, you can use this as an insight.

          It’s that, when you’re planning for trips, she may prefer alone time with you rather than bringing company around. She may want to give input on your plans and not just go with the flow overall. And even if you’re with your friends and living the best life, she will appreciate how you still check and message her despite the busy schedule, somehow showing how you prioritize her. 🙂

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