Picture this: everyone around you found their partners. And you’re there, working solo, wondering, “will love ever come my way?” Because if not, growing old as a cat lady/dad doesn’t sound like a bad choice, either. Lol.
Kidding aside, the real question is, why is it hard for INFPs to find partners, while everybody seems to be getting into a relationship as quickly as a flash?
It’s not because you’re unlikeable or unattractive. Instead, it’s something deeper than that. Truth is, INFPs struggle to find a relationship mainly because of these reasons:
- INFPs can’t open up to people they don’t trust yet.
Because they’re introverted feelers (Fi) who uphold their values, INFPs subconsciously avoid and guard themselves against people who don’t align with them. For INFPs, trusting people takes a while.
- They prefer a naturally developing relationship.
Meaning, they wait (too long) for “coincidences” rather than going out there to meet people.
- No one around them catches their interest.
Even if they have plenty of friends, no one piqued their interest.
- INFPs are unbelievably too picky.
You may not be focusing on appearance, but you’re hardcore on finding someone that meets your moral standards.
- Or maybe, INFPs are stuck in the friend zone.
Can’t confess to a friend, can’t move on. (yikes!) Because they can’t let go of those feelings, they’re stuck, unable to find a new love interest.
If these are your struggles, let me share with you five ways to find a partner and a few tips to help you get past having trust issues. Now, how can INFP find love once they’re ready?
Here we go!
5 Ways INFPs Can Find Love
1. Calm down, some people aren’t as bad as you might think.
Because INFPs have introverted Feeling (Fi) as their dominant function, a single “off vibe” becomes INFP’s basis for ending a connection that just started.
They commit the mistake of judging a person too soon, which I think is plainly wrong.
You see, our Fi (a judging function) isn’t always accurate.
Back then, I met an ENFJ, and I avoided her for two years because she was unnecessarily noisy and too animated. But now? Who could’ve thought we’ll be best friends for more than 12 years? I also find ISFJs too frank and insensitive, but from my experience as I get to know them, they actually are the most selfless people I know.
So instead of ghosting and alienating people right off the bat, turn off the inner cynic, and try to interact more until a solid proof supports your “negative” hunches.
With all these said, make an effort to get to know others. And if you want to find love, let them get to know you, too.
Give them a chance instead of closing your doors early on.
2. Meet your friends’ friends.
“Birds of the same feather flock together.”
Here’s what I think: If your NF and SF friends vibe with you, then there’s a high chance that their other circle of friends will vibe with you, too.
That said, why not set friendly group dates and meet new people from your mutual friends? In that way, you’ll have more in common.
Plan parties. Go to sports events and concerts all together. Take road trips.
This doesn’t guarantee a relationship’s success, but it does increase your chances of making a connection. Moreover, your close friends can back you up!
Then, once you’ve met someone you like, send them a message or add them on social media after meeting them. That’s less nerve-wracking than getting their number up front, right?
3. Take a chance in online dating.
I know, I know.
Online dating is getting a bad rap because some people who use the service lacked honest intentions. Moreover, finding someone who matches us emotionally or intellectually takes forever, thus making it a tedious, exhausting search.
I can’t blame people if they try to deviate from this approach.
Use the right tools, and use the tools right.
And it just makes sense: it gives us a head start in finding people who agree not only with our hobbies but, more importantly, with our values.
I believe integrating analytical psychology into dating apps saves lots of time for people.
What’s more, if you’re unaware of your own type, Ur My Type manages a quick personality test before you interact with people and the community.
However, one piece of advice: When you meet people online, keep an open mind. MBTI is a guide to understanding people, not a tool to box them in stereotypes.
Who is most compatible with INFPs?
This is simply my opinion, but based on experience and cognitive functions, an INFP finding a partner can intuitively and empathetically connect with fellow INFPs, ENFJs, INFJs, and even ENTPs. Try digging deep into these personality compatibilities!
4. Visit your favorite places more often.
Not into online dating? Let’s go back to a more traditional way — go out more often.
No, not in clubs and bars. Although people there would actively search for fun, interaction, and “connection,” it may not provide the authenticity and depth that INFPs yearn for.
Instead, visit your favorite locations — parks, nature, libraries, museums, and charities. The more you involve yourself in things, places, and hobbies you love, the more you attract people who share your interests.
Go out more often, involve yourself in your hobbies, and post them on social media, too! You never know, people can get interested in your work and find your interests attractive, too.
I’m dropping the bomb: many INFPs are single because they’re in the friend zone. And sorry to be frank, but it’s their fault.
Admit it or not, but many INFPs are torn between “I like him/her” and “I can’t lose this friendship.”
They’re like a boat tossed back and forth — unsure whether to confess or settle as friends. Unfortunately, years pass, and they still haven’t moved on, and such indecisiveness keeps them from searching for other love interests. Simply put, they’re stuck.
“What if I get rejected?”
“Would he/she walk away from me if I admit it?”
What would he/she/ and others think of me?”
INFPs always have a strong sense of self. Truth is, more than hurting their friend, they’re more afraid to get themselves hurt by the rejection. Sadly, this leads to the person they love being snatched away.
What to do if you want to confess to a friend?
Confess and clarify your intentions now. Make up your mind. You have to put an end to your daydreams and face reality. I assure you, you will be thankful that you did it.
Whether they reject you or not, it’s a massive boulder off your chest. It frees you.
And if you ever confess, just make it firm but subtle. Don’t be too intense despite your overflowing emotions, considering your friend isn’t on the same page yet.
Afterward, be confident, flirt a bit, and check for social cues. Most importantly, be consistent. As long as you’re not receiving a definitive answer, pursue them.
You see, life-long regret is far worse than losing a friend.
Love is not a matter of chances, but choices. Let your friend know where you stand.
Can INFPs find love? Of course, they can.
Once the INFP recognizes that confidence and hard work helps them enter into relationships, finding love will become easier for INFPs.
But remember, it’s not just about finding the right person for ourselves; you must also be the right someone for them.
Put your guard down a little, and you will realize that the world isn’t as lonely as you thought.
Trust yourself and be more confident in what you got.
That’s it. I hope this gave you insights into how to find love as an INFP. Thanks for reading!
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