When it comes to how INFPs date, I’ve long observed myself and also personally know a few INFP in my life. For the record, I and my friends have partners, so no, we’re not bound to be loners, people!
Yes, while other INFPs are “late bloomers” and had their first romantic relationships at 25 or even 30, many also had relationships at a fairly younger age — just like everybody else.
But I’ll tell you one thing I found in common about these Dreamers: It’s that INFPs take relationships seriously.
They don’t play around, nor do they date for pleasure. These guarded souls enter a relationship for long-term connection and (finally) entrust their hearts and truest selves to someone other than themselves.
With this key point, it’s easy to grasp why an INFP would remain single. Here’s why:
Many INFPs remain single because they seek genuine and deep connections in a relationship. Unfortunately, with how society is progressing, it’s harder to find like-minded people who also take things slow and share the same values as an INFP.
Moreover, these Dreamers prefer a reciprocating and mutual understanding that naturally develops, rather than forcing one’s affection out.
Going deeper into this topic, here are more reasons why an INFP would still be single, and what to do if you want to take a new route and enter into a relationship.
6 Reasons Why INFPs are Still Single
1. Having a companion doesn’t pique their interest.
The most common reason why INFPs are still single is well, it’s simply a personal choice. These Dreamers are independent and individualistic people and don’t need to actively find a partner to protect them or rely on.
Relationships can take a huge portion of their time. If an INFP is goal-oriented and has more significant plans to fulfill, it’s easy to waive off the ideas of relationships.
2. INFPs fear confessing their feelings too early.
Despite an INFP liking someone, the thing is, they can’t readily admit their feelings if there’s no assurance that their love will be reciprocated.
“What if she rejects me? What if I was just assuming?”
While these idealists are great empaths and feel emotions deeply, INFPs are so secretive that they dislike verbalizing their genuine emotions and exposing their true feelings.
For that reason, these gentle souls refrain from making the first move.
Unfortunately, this little act of indecisiveness may also lead to an INFP missing their chance and having their special someone snatched away from them.
3. INFPs are single because they care too much about what others would say.
Coming from a strict Asian household, I’ve had times when I’m compelled to hide and keep my relationships unofficial because I feared that my parents would think badly of me. I was afraid to be judged by the people I love.
But it turns out, all my fears were just in my head. After admitting the truth, the people around me’s responses were not as bad as I imagined.
No, they didn’t lose trust in me.
In the same way, many INFPs are anxious about their loved ones’ opinions, too.
Or maybe, they’re still tied to the past and they can’t commit to a relationship due to the worry of disappointing their friends, their ex’s friends, and family.
We can say that they might have not completely moved on from the past.
4. The act of “searching for a partner” is mundane.
It’s tiresome to start a new relationship all over again — asking about the educational background, going to the exact locations their past relationships went to, and the exaggerated promises.
First dates and small talk? Ugh.
5. INFPs take things slow.
Another reason why INFPs remain single is they want a relationship to form naturally –- not forced, not set up, and definitely not for the fear of being alone.
INFPs find it hard to conform to the dating culture, too. Today’s dating culture seems to be too speedy, too direct, sometimes rude, and even deceptive.
Unfortunately to others, these Dreamers cling to their values and can’t fathom being touchy-feely with someone they haven’t established a connection with.
They would rather be alone than be with the wrong person for the wrong reasons.
6. An INFP may struggle with commitment.
As stated above, INFPs don’t commit immediately. They want a connection first, a mutual understanding before they dive into a commitment. They have to be extremely sure of their and your feelings.
5 Tips To Help INFPs Meet and Connect With Someone
1. Find a like-minded person you can click with.
If you want to be in a relationship, find a like-minded person with whom you can grasp each other’s imagination, motivation, and goals.
“Well, that’s easier said than done,” you might say.
I know, I know. If finding that person is easy, you wouldn’t be here searching for advice.
But in this section, I want to establish that if you ever want a partner, save your time by identifying the values, motivation, and goals.
From my experience, I click the most with INFJs, ENFJs, ISFJs, and my fellow INFPs. These personality types make the most of my friends.
The people you connect with may be different, but what’s important is to have someone that shares similar values.
Now, let’s go to number 2.
2. Go out of your bubble and involve yourself in activities you like.
Hard truth — many single INFPs want to be in a relationship but don’t try hard enough to go out there and meet people.
They think “love will find me.” Unfortunately, romantic partners don’t magically appear on your porch, do they?
You see, if you’re not opening doors for people to come and know you, how do you expect them to meet you?
As mentioned in number 1, you have to find like-minded people. But how?
Ask yourself, what gives you happiness and solitude? In which places do you find yourself hanging around more?
Tendencies are, people who can easily understand and connect with you, stay in those places, too.
Most likely, they’re in creativity-focused clubs and organizations, libraries, or cafes. That person may also fancy joining hikes, nature, gardening, or volunteering.
So, go out there and involve yourself in those activities more actively.
Another possibility is to find common interests online. Finding a partner online is possible if you’re lucky and keen on people’s characters.
3. Build a good social media profile.
The world seems to center on social media now.
And in this age, your relationships will often start with a good impression on your social profiles. Whether you meet someone personally or online, they will inevitably stalk your profile, just the way you stalked people, too (don’t you deny it!).
Your profile pictures and photos will say a lot about you. Do you wear a cap? A fashionista? An image with your family?
At one glance, a person can easily find you attractive or repellent.
Social media is not everything, but to capture the attention of someone you like, post pictures that stand out.
Show your quirks, a positive and vibrant life, and a good, simple, fun biography. Show impressive activities you do outside of the online world.
The greatest thing is, you don’t have to lie. Exude genuineness, and you will attract the right people.
4. Be confident, and it would be charismatic.
I know INFPs are reserved. But believe me. Once you start doing the things you love and going out there to experience more, it builds your confidence.
I’m in an INFP-INFP relationship. For 8 long years as close friends, I had too little hints about my boyfriend’s feelings for me. What’s more, he was too careful not to cross the “friendship” line.
But 8 years later, things happened, he became more mature, and confessed the feelings he thought he had set aside. It was such a revelation, but to me, I initially thought it wouldn’t work because I see him as a friend, nothing more.
But boy was I wrong.
When INFP becomes so sure of their feelings and scrapes off indecisiveness, their genuine confidence becomes so attractive and irresistible.
I saw how the shy and caring INFP friend I knew turned into an admirer who’s mind-blowingly confident in his feelings, and is willing to take any consequences of his actions.
“Whether I get rejected or not, at least I said it,” he said.
And ta-daa! Now, we’re together.
Confidence, consistency, and decisiveness is a game-changer. Be confident in your feelings, INFP.
5. Label your actions.
Many INFPs remain single because their actions are interpreted as simply being kind.
Bang! A recipe for “friend zone.” And I know for sure how that hurts.
If you want to be in a relationship, don’t let others misinterpret your efforts as simply being courteous or friendly.
Label your actions. Be kind as you always do, but be also clear with your intentions.
“I do this because I like you.” Say these words and be courageous enough to be consistent, and not easily give up.
Here’s what I recommend to the INFPs looking for love: Take your time.
Relationships are often a slow-moving process, but with patience and hard work — again, hard work — you can find someone who appreciates the unique part of you that seems to be invisible to others.
And when you do, it will all be worth it.
That’s it. Thanks for reading! 🙂
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