Jess C. Scott says friends are the family we choose. But it’s hard to find that kind of family if we don’t have that many friends in the first place, right?
For INFJs, creating friendships has long been a struggle, thanks to their intuitive and judging personality traits. Like an insect repellant, INFJs may seem to attract a lot of friends, but if they land in the wrong circle, it often ends up being a trainwreck.
Why Do INFJ Struggle With Friendships?
1. INFJs’ shyness holds them back from meeting new people.
If you are or have an introverted friend, I’m pretty sure you know how they feel about being in social events. They despise it! INFJs would rather sit on the furthermost back seat, stay quiet, and daydream.
And hear me out. There are instances where these introverted individuals want to meet people. It’s just that their shyness gets the better of them.
INFJs’ “shyness” may be caused by various reasons like social anxiety, intuition, or intimidation.
As introverts, INFJs must set aside personal time and energy before talking to new people. INFJs are already naturally shy people. But what makes it more challenging to create friendships is the negative assumptions they overthink, leading to anxiety.
INFJs’ intuition also holds them back as they can have these gut feelings that make them not want to talk to certain friends. Their intuition usually guides them on who and who not to trust, too.
Lastly, as introverts, INFJs struggle with extroverted friends as they may get intimidated sometimes. These introverts can adapt to change. But to be spontaneous and carefree when talking to people they’re not close with? It’s a skill they know extroverts have an advantage on.
2. INFJs look intimidating but are naturally warm people.
One of the most obvious answers to why INFJs have no friends is because they are like diesel. They take a long time to warm up, but when they do, there’s no stopping these introverts.
INFJs are like FBI agents. They will spend significant time and effort getting to know you before considering befriending you.
INFJ have this intimidating stare due to their introverted intuition, which looks like they’re judging you. But the truth is, they love getting to know people.
INFJs struggle with friendship because their friends can’t reciprocate the same energy, emotional connection, care, and understanding INFJs give.
3. INFJs have a difficult time finding like-minded friends.
As empaths, INFJs can easily connect with other people’s struggles. INFJs have attractive qualities that make them people’s go-to people to cry on. When you need comfort, INFJs will do that.
But more than sharing genuine connections, INFJs look for like-minded friends who can reciprocate their intellectual and emotional energy.
Fellow introverted MBTI personalities such as other INFJs, INTPs, and INFPs are the perfect friends for them. However, the downside is they’re also the rarest personalities to find. That’s why INFJs either have to bear with less-than-what-they-deserve friends or keep looking for the rare like-minded ones.
4. INFJs see friendship as a long-term obligation.
INFJs love all the dull, non-changing aspects of life. A new place to live? No thanks. New pet? Not right now. New friends? They’ll think about it. These introverts love everything long-term, including friendships.
INFJs invest so many emotions in all their relationships—romantic or not—that it hurts them on a whole different level when it has to end. They get easily attached to friends because of all the emotions they invest in. And that’s typically the reason why they have attachment issues — one of INFJ’s severe dark sides
Their attachment issues come from their insecurity about missing out on their friends’ life. An INFJ feeling left out? That’s gotta be the worst. It can show in the form of being overly dependent on their friends’ opinions and excessively checking for updates from their friends.
INFJs struggle with friendship as not all their friends value relationships the same way they do. That’s why it’s challenging for INFJs to find friends who give equal or greater importance to friendships than them.
How Can INFJ Find Friends?
Tip #1: Approach people your intuition tells you to befriend.
INFJs’ intuition may make them pickier, but it can also lead them to meet great people.
Have you ever encountered meeting someone you had this unexplainable feeling of comfort towards? That’s probably your intuition telling you to continue getting to know the person.
You have to lessen your overcritical thoughts if you want to find friends. And listen to your gut feeling once in a while.
There’s this term called ‘gut instinct,’ which means the clear direction you feel within you that helps you choose. Maybe that’s going to be your key to finding your life-long friends.
Tip #2: Look for people who share the same interests as you,
Most of the INFJs’ friendship struggles to revolve around their lack of connection with people. Since they’re usually the ones to check up on people, their friends often forget to check in on these introverts. And I think that’s sad.
If you want to find friends who will constantly check up on you, try looking for people who share the same hobbies and preferences as you. It could be people who share the same book genre, TV series, or sports.
Tip #3: Accept invitations and attend gatherings.
If you keep saying no because you’re shy, you’ll continue isolating yourself from everybody.
The key to finding friends is going to places where you can meet several people. And what better place to be than gatherings and events?
Here’s a helpful tip from a fellow INFJ: Always bring a plus one who’s an introvert. That way, they can happily break the ice with someone you want to meet. They can carry out conversations well. So, you won’t have to do all the talking.
Tip #4: Allow others to see your goofy side.
It’s hard to always be conscious about how you look and act. Trust me, I’ve been doing it for years.
But what I think could help you meet more friends is letting go of your worries and enjoying the moment as it is.
You’ll be surprised how many people will love seeing your non-calculated answers!
If I could sum up why INFJs struggle to create friendships in two words, it would be expectations and worries. These two hindrances keep us from having fun and meeting all types of friends.
If you’ve been struggling to find friends, don’t worry, you’re not alone. It would help if you follow your gut feeling, don’t overthink conversations, and care less.
As an introvert, I know that as an introvert, it’s more challenging to find friends who fully understand our need for alone time. But hopefully, these tips and reasons will help you recognize your struggles and choices in finding friends.
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