What do INFPs fear about? Truth be told, younger or less mature INFPs often carry a whole suitcase full of fears.
As an INFP, I mostly lived my life tucked away in a box where no one could reach me. I’d rather lock myself in, keeping everyone out.
Of course, I thought I’m doing all these to protect myself. But it turns out that the walls and fences I built over the years were due to the fears I failed to face and conquer.
Sadly, INFP’s fears aren’t just passing worries; these fears are deep, complex emotions tied to our values, ideals, and the way we see the world. It could even be stemmed from traumas we didn’t know existed.
After years of reflecting upon my life — constantly seeking answers for the whys — I’m glad that I can now distinguish my lingering fears as clear as day, and I no longer self-deprecate.
Instead, I frown at the idea of fear itself and loathe how it binds INFPs in awful shackles that hinder our true potential. I waged a mental war against them.
And honestly, while these fears are paralyzing and can take a long time to overcome, good news is, it’s possible to conquer them all. I’ll be writing about my journey with these fears in separate posts.
But as of now, let’s expose the most common fears INFPs wrestle with. I hope this gives you a starting point to understand what you’re dealing with and slowly work through each one.
Let’s break free together! Here we go!
10 Biggest Fears of INFP Personality
1. A Mediocre, Stagnant Life
One day, as these Dreamers realize how mediocre they’ve been progressing in life, they feel a sense of panic along with a sinking self-esteem. It gets worse when everyone around them seem to have it all together. And they don’t.
They wonder why they’re not where they “should” be. Why their dreams and goals never materialized. Why they feel stuck.
Soon, they backtrack and realize the mistakes that led to their unfulfilling life. They make a tally of all the opportunities they played poorly. They’re in a pit they dug themselves, drowning with thoughts like:
If only I didn’t give up… If only I didn’t turn it down… If only… If only…
In an instant, regrets turn to self-loathing.
For someone who constantly lives close ties with meaning and purpose, they fear they haven’t made any impact. They wonder if they would ever amount to anything. From here on, we cue the tears, the self-doubt, and maybe some existential crisis.
Unfortunately, this is usually due to INFPs being stuck in the Fi-Si loop where they pour their emotions on memory or regret. They dwell in a past they can no longer change. Or bent on the fake beauty of a what-if scenario where they look supposedly happy and prosperous.
It’s an infuriating battle to overcome since INFPs can already be at the edge of falling into depression during these episodes.
But not until INFPs roll out from the dreadful visions. Once they realize how much control they have in the now, they’re out to focus on the present and build a better future instead of grieving what’s already done.
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2. Saying Wrong and Hurting People
INFPs are sensitive about hurting others with their words. Uttering one wrong word is all it can take to drain the soul of an overcritical and empathetic INFP.
People think it’s because we’re gentle. Yes, indeed we are.
But why do we struggle to express ourselves? It’s great to have control over our mouths, but why do we fear speaking up?
I believe, at some point in their life, INFPs experienced being shunned or abhorred after genuinely expressing themselves – probably with their parents, friends, or people they adore.
So, being empaths, they kept their real emotions and thoughts to themselves, away from offending or burdening people.
They’d rather keep quiet. Because once they speak words that seem a wee bit unkind, they overthink and fear that people will hate them for that.
Unfortunately, they fear ill-talk to a fault, that they’re better off being poked fun at, misunderstood, or blamed rather than embarrassing or incriminating somebody else.
3. Criticism With Their Craft
Another thing INFPs fear is showing their creative work to people, especially those that reflect their heart and mind.
Sometimes, it feels like people preach to deaf ears when they encourage INFPs to show their work. Despite all the compliments, they wouldn’t!
They know the flaws of their output like the palm of their hands. Thus, it takes them long self-talk, a change of heart, and maturity before they reveal it to others.
INFPs who are obsessed with perfection and idealism fear showing any flaws.
With this said, these Dreamers are their own’s worst critics. But if other people join in feasting on their mistakes, imagine how excruciating that is.
Anxiety, doubled down!
Related Post:
- 7 Things INFPs Need To Be Happy and Fulfilled
- How Can INFPs Gain “Mastery” of Their Craft Despite the Distractions?
- 7 Unique Strengths INFPs Must Nurture
4. Revealing Their Private Life
INFPs are extremely private people. They hide a huge part of themselves from prying eyes and find comfort in being in their own little world.
If it’s to protect their authenticity, reputation, and autonomy, they will put up a front about their feelings and keep their next steps a secret, in fear that people will judge, meddle, or use their personal life as an attack to tarnish their reputation.
They tremble out of anxiety when a “secret” is brought to the light.
They’re too meticulous about what to reveal about their life, so they go out of their way to erase their traces as if they’re criminals on the run. They leave people in the dark about them, which is why many INFPs are covered with a cloud of mystery.
This fear is what I’m currently healing, and I’ve discovered that my obsession with privacy was not because “I’ve always been like this. It’s my personality,” blah blah.
Rather, this impulse to always hide is a learned behavior. It can be unlearned. The anxiety about revealing yourself can be overcome.
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5. Fear of Choosing The Wrong Path
INFPs’ Extraverted Intuition (Ne) allows them to envision multiple futures from one standpoint. They’re visionaries and can come up with multitudes of ideas and solutions for one problem.
While that gives them advantages, unfortunately, too many shiny ideas make INFPs struggle to commit to a single plan.
If they choose this one, what would happen to the other? They can be extremely indecisive.
This gives them a moniker of being “interest-hoppers” or “project starters but not finishers.”
Unfortunately, being undecided is one of the biggest stumbling blocks in an INFP’s growth. Continuously hopping from one career path to another, or one decision to another, can stall deeper growth or lead to several unaccomplished goals.
Related Post:
- INFP Career: Torn Between Two Good Career Choices
- INFP Indecisiveness: Why Can’t INFPS Make Up Their Minds?
- How Can INFPs Stop Overthinking?
6. An Ugly Future
As mentioned above, not all fears hold INFPs back. In fact, the fear of a grim future motivates an INFP greater than any self-help book they might have read.
If an INFP sees an ugly future, it drives them to work on the present so they can deviate from that depressing tomorrow.
Say, INFPs may fear going to school. However, the fear of having no degree may be even worse, so they work hard to finish their program.
Or that, as an INFP, I may feel anxious about taking projects from clients, but the fear of not paying off my bills is even greater. It’s gut-wrenching at times, but I have to do it!
Also, my INFP partner feels tired of working two jobs, but the fear that he can’t save money and we can’t be together due to the long-distance relationship burdens him more.
Yes, it’s a fear but a healthy fear! We’re idealists to a fault, so deviating from an ugly future is one of INFPs’ greatest drives to work.
7. Abandonment
Being forgotten by friends or a loved one feels like abandonment.
This fear, plus the piercing pain of jealousy, stems from their deep need for connection and loyalty.
See, INFPs only have a few friends. And if they let you enter their world, they assume you’d be there all throughout. They hope that you remember them as much as they remember and care for you.
As immature as it may sound, seeing their close friends happy without them feels like a betrayal. Worse, they can’t speak about it because it sounds selfish and ridiculous.
This happened to me and my best friend when we went our separate ways for college.
She’s an ENFJ, so you bet she has a booming, extroverted life. As I saw her uploaded pictures on Facebook highlighting her new friends, the stabbing pain of jealousy was so real, I teared up.
When we met again, I couldn’t help but cry and admit my emotions. Unfortunately, she seemed ecstatic that I missed her. Ugh, this woman.
Nonetheless, it’s all good now! Lol.
8. Being Seen as “Stupid”
As Extraverted Thinkers (Te), INFPs are like sponges, soaking up information and becoming walking encyclopedias of random facts and skills. We love to read, watch, and learn. We love to know things. Hence, we again won the “jacks of all trades” crown.
But at the same time, despite being knowledge seekers, our biggest insecurity is rooted in the opposite. Contradictingly, INFP’s biggest insecurity is being perceived as ignorant or incompetent.
With this, you’ll rarely catch an INFP stepping into the spotlight, performing a task, or presenting a report that they’re not knowledgeable of.
They’re scared to do a task when someone more experienced is watching.
They fear embarrassing themselves. We’d rather play it safe, avoid participation, or quit out of anxiety.
9. Failure and Rejection
Rejection can be traumatizing for INFPs, leading them to question their overall capabilities.
For less experienced or immature INFPs, rejection isn’t seen as a stepping stone or a chance to improve. Instead, it feels like undeniable proof that their skills were never real to begin with.
They may see it as a sign that their skills have been all a lie, that they are not actually good, and that they better quit soon.
Sadly, many INFPs quit or stop learning at the stomping sound of rejection. I was one of them.
However, if an INFP indeed finds their talent and passion in a craft, they heal from that rejection, grow some thick skin, and give it a try once more.
Sooner or later, they’ll realize that rejection is always around the corner, but so are opportunities. Rejection is pretty normal.
Once INFPs accept this, they become more persistent with their craft, unbothered, and unstoppable.
Related Post: 3 Ways INFP Can Overcome Failure
10. Losing Control Over Their Life
INFPs won’t control you, go, live your life! However, they have to be in control of theirs. Among the 16 Myers-Briggs personalities, they uphold authenticity the most, after all.
The thought of someone else dictating their choices or imposing obligations sends their anxiety soaring.
They’ve already gone through losing autonomy as obedient children, you see. So once they got out of that controlling system, they will never go back.
They become fiercely protective of their inner world. They might always suspect people trying to use or control them.
It may sound harsh, but if these individualistic souls feel like they would lose control over their lives, they’d rather disappear or ghost people than give you that ticket in their life.
But keep in mind that not all INFPs leave people hanging. There are matured INFPs who have learned to speak up, assert their rights, confidently say no, and are not fearful of obligations.
They have learned to tone down their emotions, nurture their Thinking function (Te), and play by the rules instead of their feelings.
Conclusion
I believe INFPs must overcome their fears to reach their full potential.
Without fear, we get to new heights, gain new friends, strengthen our relationships, and feel better about ourselves overall.
As I conquer my fears as an INFP, it becomes easier for me to express my happiness and sadness. I no longer need to pretend, act cool, or be the perfect model for everyone.
Overcoming our fears will bring us closer to living authentically. So dear fellow INFPs, let’s overcome them one by one and watch how new opportunities spring up in our lives!
The sight here is awesome!
That’s it! Thanks for reading! God bless! 🙂
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You may also like:
- INFP Privacy: How Can INFP Overcome The Anxiety of Revealing Themselves?
- 8 INFP Struggles People Never Hear About
- Why Should INFP Pursue Authenticity Despite Being Misunderstood?
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